It sounds almost like he's defending Maruki, but that's not what he's thinking about. He swallows. "I'm just. I made a decision and now I'm—living with it. Of course he's in danger if I have fucking hope," he adds, with a brief display of bitter anger. "Or despair, I guess. For some reason. But. ...Sorry, I don't know where I'm going with this."
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It sounds almost like he's defending Maruki, but that's not what he's thinking about. He swallows. "I'm just. I made a decision and now I'm—living with it. Of course he's in danger if I have fucking hope," he adds, with a brief display of bitter anger. "Or despair, I guess. For some reason. But. ...Sorry, I don't know where I'm going with this."