Solemnly, she nodded... there was absolutely no denying that some people don't have that strength to keep going on. People give up, or even fight tooth and nail to force the end on themselves and others. Pain runs deep, like that.
She remembered so, so many moments in her life.
What's the point?
She doesn't have a family anymore. All she was in these strangers' homes was... a burden. No matter how small she made herself, she couldn't deny that she DID take space, and time, and resources - and saw how it furrowed brows.
Why am I fighting?
All of her efforts hastened the death of everyone, she'd been complicit in endangering everyone and been an unwitting pawn.
I'm scared.
She would have lied if she said that she hadn't seriously considered Ryoji's offer, even if it hadn't lasted long in the face of her resolve. Those few moments of deep terror, anguish, knowing it was coming inevitably, not wanting it to hurt more... it would be so, so easy. Living without being seized by guilt, fear, by knowing that she did this, she harbored the end of the world inside of her and doomed everyone like a fucking idiot--
Akinari's smiling, pale face came to mind. Ryoji, hugging her for a final time that terrible New Year's Eve. Shinjiro, finally alive and breathing and embracing her before everything went dark, a smile on his face. Every single member of SEES, looking to her, finding comfort in her resolve, deciding that even if they die, this mattered to them too.
Life was funny, like that.
"That's why it matters for those of us who can fight, who can keep going, to reach out and help everyone else. If I can be strong for someone that isn't, and I can be there for them so they aren't alone... then I will. That's worth fighting for," she answered with a soft, melancholic and humorless laugh. "People are afraid, so often. We don't live in a perfect world because people aren't perfect, but... they deserve a chance."
cw: suicidality
She remembered so, so many moments in her life.
What's the point?
She doesn't have a family anymore. All she was in these strangers' homes was... a burden. No matter how small she made herself, she couldn't deny that she DID take space, and time, and resources - and saw how it furrowed brows.
Why am I fighting?
All of her efforts hastened the death of everyone, she'd been complicit in endangering everyone and been an unwitting pawn.
I'm scared.
She would have lied if she said that she hadn't seriously considered Ryoji's offer, even if it hadn't lasted long in the face of her resolve. Those few moments of deep terror, anguish, knowing it was coming inevitably, not wanting it to hurt more... it would be so, so easy. Living without being seized by guilt, fear, by knowing that she did this, she harbored the end of the world inside of her and doomed everyone like a fucking idiot--
Akinari's smiling, pale face came to mind. Ryoji, hugging her for a final time that terrible New Year's Eve. Shinjiro, finally alive and breathing and embracing her before everything went dark, a smile on his face. Every single member of SEES, looking to her, finding comfort in her resolve, deciding that even if they die, this mattered to them too.
Life was funny, like that.
"That's why it matters for those of us who can fight, who can keep going, to reach out and help everyone else. If I can be strong for someone that isn't, and I can be there for them so they aren't alone... then I will. That's worth fighting for," she answered with a soft, melancholic and humorless laugh. "People are afraid, so often. We don't live in a perfect world because people aren't perfect, but... they deserve a chance."