He breathed outwards, hearing that. "I... yeah. I was... going through a lot. I've told others this story, but- Goro Akechi... died, in my timeline. To Shido, he was a useful tool, an effective killer, and a disposable asset. His last action was trying to shield the Phantoms from harm, in spite of everything- and then, when our Maruki inherited a power he never should have... possibly because of his bond with our Ren- he created me."
It wasn't a happy story, but he'd recounted it so often now the sting had faded. "What he was doing wasn't... good. Sumire... lost her sister in a terrible accident, for which she blamed herself. She wished that she had died, and her sister had lived. So he... made her believe she was her sister. That she was Kasumi. He could... have helped her heal. But instead he decided it was more convenient to erase a girl who was, despite her protestations to the contrary, kind, and talented, and intelligent, with dreams and a personality of her own- in favor of her more confident and popular twin. And she wasn't the only one. He tried doing it to the Phantoms. He tried doing it to me, and I think the only thing that stopped him was how badly Ren wanted me to be allowed to be... me. He wanted to do that to the entire world. Just... erase their pain."
"We faced him. We stopped him. Ren nearly didn't, once... Maruki revealed to us both that if he failed, if his hold on the cognitive world was released- I would vanish. I would die. We argued about it. But in the end, he accepted that whatever happiness I would have on the other side, if we took that deal- it wouldn't be me, experiencing it. I fought Maruki, fully expecting to die. And I very much did. I felt myself unravel as the Palace collapsed- but then... I woke up. In a place not unlike this one. People from many worlds and many timelines had also been dragged there, all with the knowledge that this- was just a shared dream. In the end, they would wake up, and as pleasant as it was, it would eventually fade. I didn't... take it well. I don't think I would've held it together, if... Ren and Sumire hadn't made it there with me, somehow."
"I believed... that my life could end at any moment. I would awaken, or Ren would, and I would cease to be. I was convinced that my life was completely meaningless. That Shadow was... everything I tried to repress, because it was easier to pretend that I didn't care. That that... wasn't hurting me. My emotions, my attachments, my... growing realization that I had never, once, been allowed to be 'me'. Everything about me was manufactured, shaped by somebody else. I didn't even have a way of knowing for sure whether anything I felt or remembered actually happened. Whether any of it was real. Sumire..."
He sighed quietly, ran his fingers through his hair. "Sumire never hesitated. She knew I was... a complicated person to like. Knew I was dangerous and unstable, but she... took my hand. She wanted to be my friend, in spite of everything. Wanted to help me through my- identity crisis, because she knew what it was like, to not know who you are, to doubt the accuracy of your own senses and memory. She was my friend. One of the most incredible people I've ever met, and... I loved her. Dearly. Platonically, I mean- I am... very sure now, that I'm not interested in women- but I wish I'd told her that, honestly."
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It wasn't a happy story, but he'd recounted it so often now the sting had faded. "What he was doing wasn't... good. Sumire... lost her sister in a terrible accident, for which she blamed herself. She wished that she had died, and her sister had lived. So he... made her believe she was her sister. That she was Kasumi. He could... have helped her heal. But instead he decided it was more convenient to erase a girl who was, despite her protestations to the contrary, kind, and talented, and intelligent, with dreams and a personality of her own- in favor of her more confident and popular twin. And she wasn't the only one. He tried doing it to the Phantoms. He tried doing it to me, and I think the only thing that stopped him was how badly Ren wanted me to be allowed to be... me. He wanted to do that to the entire world. Just... erase their pain."
"We faced him. We stopped him. Ren nearly didn't, once... Maruki revealed to us both that if he failed, if his hold on the cognitive world was released- I would vanish. I would die. We argued about it. But in the end, he accepted that whatever happiness I would have on the other side, if we took that deal- it wouldn't be me, experiencing it. I fought Maruki, fully expecting to die. And I very much did. I felt myself unravel as the Palace collapsed- but then... I woke up. In a place not unlike this one. People from many worlds and many timelines had also been dragged there, all with the knowledge that this- was just a shared dream. In the end, they would wake up, and as pleasant as it was, it would eventually fade. I didn't... take it well. I don't think I would've held it together, if... Ren and Sumire hadn't made it there with me, somehow."
"I believed... that my life could end at any moment. I would awaken, or Ren would, and I would cease to be. I was convinced that my life was completely meaningless. That Shadow was... everything I tried to repress, because it was easier to pretend that I didn't care. That that... wasn't hurting me. My emotions, my attachments, my... growing realization that I had never, once, been allowed to be 'me'. Everything about me was manufactured, shaped by somebody else. I didn't even have a way of knowing for sure whether anything I felt or remembered actually happened. Whether any of it was real. Sumire..."
He sighed quietly, ran his fingers through his hair. "Sumire never hesitated. She knew I was... a complicated person to like. Knew I was dangerous and unstable, but she... took my hand. She wanted to be my friend, in spite of everything. Wanted to help me through my- identity crisis, because she knew what it was like, to not know who you are, to doubt the accuracy of your own senses and memory. She was my friend. One of the most incredible people I've ever met, and... I loved her. Dearly. Platonically, I mean- I am... very sure now, that I'm not interested in women- but I wish I'd told her that, honestly."