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[wipingallout]

... ... ... ... ?

What is...?

I shouldn't... be awake...


[In the Velvet Room...]

[It's courteous of whatever's going on with Igor's plan here that Hamuko is dressed. She probably shouldn't even have a body... whatever she has going on now... did her body fall comatose without her? Did it die? If it was alive, she surely should be much older. ... ... ... Maybe that all doesn't really matter, right now. She's here, gifted a chance to be around others again. The pinboard catches her attention first, of course. Signs of other people... so many little notes, talking about multiple versions of the same person running around. That's... that's charming... that's fun. ...Even if the notes about Ken Amadas make her sad...]

Hmm... I don't see any other 'me' off the bat...

[She'll take a few minutes once given a pen and some pink paper to doodle a little version of herself, signed with her name and phone number, and add it to the corner of the pinboard.]


[Inaba, Central Shopping District]

[What a fun little town! A charming place... hey, isn't this the town she went to for the volleyball camp? She loved the accommodations, but it's so nice to actually wander the streets and see the little shops. This place is SO rural, Hamuko had never really visited a place this remote, even when jumping between foster homes.] Let's see... what's the good spot for the locals? [No point being a complete tourist shmuck!!]


[Shibuya, Underground Mall]

[Well, since nothing costs anything here... might as well get some cute new clothes, right? Who knows how long she'll be around here, and 'dreaming up' new outfits didn't seem to be a thing. No lucid dreaming here - somehow, Hamuko felt a lot happier with that in mind. Still... the fashion is so different!!]

I just want one cute orange top...!! Is orange out of style? Dang it...


[Iwatodai Dorms]

[Of all of the places she's been having fun goofing off and exploring in, the dorms... she couldn't quite get the courage to open the front. Not just yet.]

Not even Koromaru is out front right now. ...I've gotta apologize...

Comments

[warped_ken_amada]

"I am getting there. Eventually, this fragment concluded it needed a human will, as if it tried to use its own will, it would disappear in the whole. But interfacing a human will directly into Nyx was nearly impossible. If only there could be a link, something compatible with both humans and Nyx..."

Ken's smile got a little wider.

"You know what I'm talking about. Shadows. Coming from Nyx herself, and present in all humans. But to relay the human's will to Nyx, the Shadow needed to be under its host's control. It needed to be a Persona."

Ken then sighed, and looked slightly pensive.

"And so the fragment looked for someone who both had the will to end the world and a Persona. A stable one, as the connection with Nyx would cause enormous strain, so Strega couldn't cut it. It searched, and it searched, for years."

[wipingallout]

It hadn't landed on Mitsuru, is her first thought... was there an incompatibility? Was it that Ken himself had a persona that better matched the fragment?

"...How much of you is that fragment?"

[warped_ken_amada]

"Very little. The fragment was small to begin with. Most of me is... raw Nyx essence. Power in its purest form. Strength to make me the perfect weapon."

[wipingallout]

Keeping herself composed was hard. Hamuko swiped at the corner of her eye, taking a breath.

"How much of you is Ken Amada...?"

[warped_ken_amada]

"The parts that matter. It's my will that drives the whole. It's just that that whole is no longer human. But ultimately, I'm still me."

[wipingallout]

Ah.

Hamuko's not sure which would've been worse - more of Ken Amada still present, that this was all him... or if Ken had been mostly subsumed into something else. But the sadness poured over anyway.

Ken, who loved his hamster... who liked sweets, and Featherman, and reminisced about what his mom used to cook for him and for herself. One of her friends, someone else that'd had to grow up far, far too fast. Hastily she turned her head, wiping at her face with the end of her sleeve.

It's not fair.

None of it was ever fair.

"Sorry... I'm sorry," she murmured, trying to recompose herself. Trying to apologize that, somehow, for whatever reason, she wasn't there for him even if that would have been utterly impossible. Feelings weren't always rational, like that. "...How's the omurice?"

[warped_ken_amada]

"What are you apologizing for? This is the best thing that could have happened to me."

[wipingallout]

She just shook her head. Even if she covered up her eyes, trying to keep tears from flowing, she gently gestured to the food in Ken's lap.

"Eat up, before it gets cold," she said.

[warped_ken_amada]

He started eating, but also continued his story in-between bites.

"In the end, the fragment came empty-handed. It couldn't find anyone meeting its criteria. But it saw promise with me. I had the potential to have a stable Persona, and with the just the right push, it thought it could lead me in 'the right direction'. So it hid in the shadows and waited for its moment to strike. One day, after a particularly bad beating..."

His tone was that of a casual conversation, almost as if what he was saying was normal or unimportant.

[wipingallout]

"A bad beating?"

Despite instructing Ken to keep eating, she'd lost her own appetite. She gave up trying to stem the flow of tears, resting her hands limply on the tupper in her lap.

cw: domestic abuse

[warped_ken_amada]

"Oh, yes, my foster parents did this from time to time. When they were a bit too angry from work, or when they were drunk... things like that. They never really wanted to take me in, they were pressured to, and they hated me for it. So things like that happen. It was particularly bad that night, I think I was bleeding."

[wipingallout]

So a piece of the Appraiser pounced on that. And if Ken had glibly killed STREGA, and Shinjiro... well, those foster parents likely weren't around anymore.

Her own experience in the foster system had been bad, but mercifully never escalated to violence.

"You never deserved that."

[warped_ken_amada]

"Maybe, but that didn't stop them. Nor did it stop the commitment and the forced medication. Nor did it save my mother, nor did it bring justice to her case. There is no justice in this world. It is broken and irredeemable."

[wipingallout]

"Do you want to end it...?"

[warped_ken_amada]

"When the fragment approached me back then, it didn't take much for it to push me into that line of reasoning. All I asked for was the opportunity to fulfill my promise, to execute my revenge... then I'd bring the world's end. It brought me to the Moon, to Nyx, and filled me with her essence, reforged my body, made me a being of power, a weapon."

And again, that small, disturbing smile appeared.

"But that was then. Nowadays, ending the world is no longer something I really seek. At least not for now."

[wipingallout]

So he hasn't decided to end the world (yet), and he hasn't killed the members of SEES. What would happen if SEES decided to seal away Nyx - would he act on that? Would he be forced to act on that?

"Why did you decide to put it off?"

[warped_ken_amada]

"Because, eventually, I came to a realization. The world works on power. Nothing more, nothing less. It is power which dictates everything.

"I had long been victim of powerlessness. And since I now had power that surpassed all... why not use it? It's not like this world deserves any restraint from me."

[wipingallout]

"...Why not use it to protect the weaker people like... well, like your mother?"

[warped_ken_amada]

"Why? I owe nothing to a broken world. Or do you expect me to single-handedly fix it? Besides, all those that view the world as more than relationships of power ultimately lose to those who don't. Removing the shackles of expectations and morality, letting everyone in full control of their destiny, that is the fairest outcome."

[wipingallout]

"No one can do anything alone... of course you couldn't singlehandedly 'fix' anything. But that doesn't mean you can't... make a difference. It doesn't mean that you couldn't protect someone that matters to you," she protested, weakly.

Idly, she stirred her rice with her fork.

"...It's scary to lose people you love. But you should still cherish them while they are alive."

[warped_ken_amada]

"There isn't anyone I love who is alive," he answered dryly.

[wipingallout]

"...Are you afraid to love anyone else?"

[warped_ken_amada]

"That's not it."

It was, in fact, part of it, at least before. But Ken himself wasn't aware of that.

"Is it so hard to believe that I just don't care? I don't care about what happens to this stupid world. I will have my fun, and if in the end I get tired of living then everything will end. It's as simple as that."

[wipingallout]

"It is hard to believe. Because I remember, after losing everyone, thinking 'what's the point?'..."

Before ever becoming a member of SEES, after that wreck. In those homes full of warmth for everyone but her.

"I don't understand what's supposed to be fun, thinking about killing other people. Even if you decide to die."

[warped_ken_amada]

"Killing other people isn't fun in itself. What matters is that absolute freedom... it's not really something you can understand without having experienced it. You are still imprisoned. I was still imprisoned for the longest time. You just have to let go of all those silly notions holding you back..."