ren amamiya (maruki's ending) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flightpen) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
personavelvetroomdr2024-02-02 02:51 pm
flightpen) wrote in personavelvetroomdr2024-02-02 02:51 pm
all your mother's weaves and your father's threads
Ren hasn't seen the Velvet Room in a while.
There was at time when he was in here every week, fusing Personas to Caroline's acerbic commentary or listening to Yaldabaoth mutter ominous words of praise. It was different in January, like a lot of things, but the point is that it's gone now. He's not even sure Lavenza and Igor survived what happened.
And yet here he is, in what's recognizably the Velvet Room. But it's changed. It's not a prison anymore, even though this would be the best time for it; Ren's heart is in chains. What was it Akechi said to him? Your heart is free. Maybe back then.
Never mind that. Igor, if it is Igor, is unforthcoming. Make bonds—as if Ren can make bonds when people can't even have a meaningful conversation. He'll be returned to the moment he left—as if he wants to go there. His friends are happy, Akechi is alive, and Ren, like Maruki himself, stands outside the world. When he tries to press, Igor gets cryptic and nonsensical, and that's so fucking familiar lately that Ren doesn't bother to keep trying.
You might find him in the following situations:
1: the rockrose and the thistle will whistle as you moan
Maruki has left him alone, mostly. God's favorite. As far as Ren can figure, it's because he knows perfectly damn well that Ren finds his reality repulsive, and he wants Ren to accept it on his own. The implication there is that Maruki also knows deep down that people aren't themselves once he changes their cognition, but that's not a surprise. Maruki talks a big game, but on some level he must know what he's doing. Surely.
Anyway, like we were saying, he's left Ren mostly alone. But he loses time, comes back to himself with the coffee cold or the sun at a different angle or an awful TV show at the end of its saccharine episode. And although he never remembers feeling what preceded it, he knows. Too much despair, too much bleak hopelessness, and Maruki turns him off like a lightbulb until it's gone again. Can't accept the new world if he's too depressed. The stupid self-defeating hypocrisy of it is annoying as hell—is he meant to accept the new reality of his own accord or isn't he? But there was a time when it would've pissed him off a lot more.
He stands in front of Igor's desk, in a place he doesn't recognize, unsure where he is or what's going to happen to him, or where his friends are, or whether this is a new stage of Maruki's reality or something entirely different, and despair swallows him whole. He waits to be shut down.
And waits. And waits, saturated in misery like he hasn't in weeks. For a split second he almost finds himself grateful to Maruki for taking it away, but he flinches back from going down that road. Like this, frozen, waiting to blink and find that his legs hurt from standing too long, he's barely aware of his surroundings.
2: all the pins inside your fretted head and your muttered whens and hows
Having pulled himself together (and not lost any time, as far as he can tell?), Ren decides that the obvious first stop is the conspicuous board that stands in the strange Velvet Room. It doesn't look... Velvet Room-y. It looks like it was brought in from outside, and as he scans its bizarre contents, he realizes he's right.
The business about Akechis and Rens being fated to be together makes him feel a little sick, so he skims it quickly and moves on. Demons, vampires, okay, that's... he'll deal with that when he has to. But as he reads the list of Akechi codenames, his eyes land on one in particular. In the middle of the corvids and the predators, there's Sparrow.
The description leaves him without any doubt. His stomach sinks. Is Akechi okay? Can he even survive in a place like this? How is Ren going to find him?
3: you gently gift it to me 'cause you've no clue how to sew
In a first, helpless attempt to locate his Akechi (different enough from other Akechis, apparently, to be identified on sight... well, that's true enough), Ren decides to head into Tokyo and go looking for places Akechi still enjoys. Kichijoji is an obvious one, with the jazz bar and Inokashira Park and his apartment, the location of which he kept behind his lips the entire time Ren knew him, only to immediately invite him over in February. But instead of taking the train, Ren walks. Travel is strangely quick, and it gives him time to look at the cognitions, which the board claimed were eerie.
The board wasn't wrong. They don't even seem like the brainwashed people Ren is used to—cognitions is definitely the better term. At least the people back home have some variability in how they act, and at least they have some kind of mild reaction if you inconvenience them. Ren steps in front of them once or twice, sticks out his leg to trip one of them even, and they don't even frown at him.
Maruki's reality is still new. Maybe this is where everyone is going to end up; automatons, puppets, walking around like video game NPCs. His skin crawls. He stands to the side of a busy road in Shibuya and watches, stomach churning.
[[ooc: This is the Ren frompheasantboy's universe.]]
There was at time when he was in here every week, fusing Personas to Caroline's acerbic commentary or listening to Yaldabaoth mutter ominous words of praise. It was different in January, like a lot of things, but the point is that it's gone now. He's not even sure Lavenza and Igor survived what happened.
And yet here he is, in what's recognizably the Velvet Room. But it's changed. It's not a prison anymore, even though this would be the best time for it; Ren's heart is in chains. What was it Akechi said to him? Your heart is free. Maybe back then.
Never mind that. Igor, if it is Igor, is unforthcoming. Make bonds—as if Ren can make bonds when people can't even have a meaningful conversation. He'll be returned to the moment he left—as if he wants to go there. His friends are happy, Akechi is alive, and Ren, like Maruki himself, stands outside the world. When he tries to press, Igor gets cryptic and nonsensical, and that's so fucking familiar lately that Ren doesn't bother to keep trying.
You might find him in the following situations:
1: the rockrose and the thistle will whistle as you moan
Maruki has left him alone, mostly. God's favorite. As far as Ren can figure, it's because he knows perfectly damn well that Ren finds his reality repulsive, and he wants Ren to accept it on his own. The implication there is that Maruki also knows deep down that people aren't themselves once he changes their cognition, but that's not a surprise. Maruki talks a big game, but on some level he must know what he's doing. Surely.
Anyway, like we were saying, he's left Ren mostly alone. But he loses time, comes back to himself with the coffee cold or the sun at a different angle or an awful TV show at the end of its saccharine episode. And although he never remembers feeling what preceded it, he knows. Too much despair, too much bleak hopelessness, and Maruki turns him off like a lightbulb until it's gone again. Can't accept the new world if he's too depressed. The stupid self-defeating hypocrisy of it is annoying as hell—is he meant to accept the new reality of his own accord or isn't he? But there was a time when it would've pissed him off a lot more.
He stands in front of Igor's desk, in a place he doesn't recognize, unsure where he is or what's going to happen to him, or where his friends are, or whether this is a new stage of Maruki's reality or something entirely different, and despair swallows him whole. He waits to be shut down.
And waits. And waits, saturated in misery like he hasn't in weeks. For a split second he almost finds himself grateful to Maruki for taking it away, but he flinches back from going down that road. Like this, frozen, waiting to blink and find that his legs hurt from standing too long, he's barely aware of his surroundings.
2: all the pins inside your fretted head and your muttered whens and hows
Having pulled himself together (and not lost any time, as far as he can tell?), Ren decides that the obvious first stop is the conspicuous board that stands in the strange Velvet Room. It doesn't look... Velvet Room-y. It looks like it was brought in from outside, and as he scans its bizarre contents, he realizes he's right.
The business about Akechis and Rens being fated to be together makes him feel a little sick, so he skims it quickly and moves on. Demons, vampires, okay, that's... he'll deal with that when he has to. But as he reads the list of Akechi codenames, his eyes land on one in particular. In the middle of the corvids and the predators, there's Sparrow.
The description leaves him without any doubt. His stomach sinks. Is Akechi okay? Can he even survive in a place like this? How is Ren going to find him?
3: you gently gift it to me 'cause you've no clue how to sew
In a first, helpless attempt to locate his Akechi (different enough from other Akechis, apparently, to be identified on sight... well, that's true enough), Ren decides to head into Tokyo and go looking for places Akechi still enjoys. Kichijoji is an obvious one, with the jazz bar and Inokashira Park and his apartment, the location of which he kept behind his lips the entire time Ren knew him, only to immediately invite him over in February. But instead of taking the train, Ren walks. Travel is strangely quick, and it gives him time to look at the cognitions, which the board claimed were eerie.
The board wasn't wrong. They don't even seem like the brainwashed people Ren is used to—cognitions is definitely the better term. At least the people back home have some variability in how they act, and at least they have some kind of mild reaction if you inconvenience them. Ren steps in front of them once or twice, sticks out his leg to trip one of them even, and they don't even frown at him.
Maruki's reality is still new. Maybe this is where everyone is going to end up; automatons, puppets, walking around like video game NPCs. His skin crawls. He stands to the side of a busy road in Shibuya and watches, stomach churning.
[[ooc: This is the Ren from
pheasantboy's universe.]]
Shibuya
He'd never seen that face look that haggard, that miserable.
Most unfortunately, he'd been watering that starved and half-dead plant in the corner of his mind labeled 'CONSCIENCE', and it was becoming a serious problem.
So he made his approach, and engaged Friendly Social Maneuver Alpha: open conversation by offering a drink. In this case, a can of tea that had, 100%, been liberated from a vending machine through a shattered front panel.
"You look like shit, Joker."
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"Uh." He clears his throat. His heart is still pounding. That's... that sure is... wow. Bird demon from hell. "You're. Phoenix, right? Thanks." He takes the can of tea, but only fiddles with the tab.
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That last bit is quieter, half to himself.
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With the metal weakened by his fidgeting, the tab pops off the can entirely. He blinks down at it. "Oh."
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"Before I answer that question, I suppose the most important thing to ask is... what, exactly, are your intentions with him?"
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But no. That wasn't helpful. He swallowed the instinct. "I know of him. Enough to know that I'm going to do everything in my power to break the control on him. What about you, Ren? It sounds like you've gone through some shit and you're in the 'self-flagellation' stage, right now, and believe me, while I get it, I know firsthand that's not going to help jack shit. So, if you had the chance to free him, would you take it?"
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...But what does he even say? What can he say? What the fuck is even the answer? He stares up at Phoenix with wide, blank eyes, immobilized by a torrent of conflicting thoughts and clashing emotions.
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He realizes that he's pressed back against the armrest opposite bird-Akechi. When did that happen? "You... yeah, that's..."
His voice fails him, so he just nods. It's not even that he's scared Akechi is going to... maul him with his bird claws or whatever. It's just. All that anger. It's like standing in front of the sun.
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He offered his hand. The left one. "If you want to fix this, then I'll support you and I'll do my fucking best to keep the more stab-happy dumbasses off your back, but as long as you're trying to do something about it- you're not alone. So no more pity party, it's time to fix your shit."
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But then he says, "There are, um. Some issues with that. Sorry," he adds hastily. "It's just. Shrike told me Akechi doesn't want to be... fixed, or whatever. And he's already been ignored enough." By Ren. "And whatever you would do, it'd just be undone when we go home. And Maruki doesn't let me think about fixing anything when I'm at home, so there's not actually. Anything we can do, I don't think."
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"How can you... help his Shadow? How do you help a Shadow?"
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"It doesn't sound. Good. To separate someone from their Shadow. Like, isn't that kind of how mental shutdowns happened...?"
It's not that he doesn't want to help Akechi's Shadow. He hates the thought of it just down there, suffering forever. But the real Akechi exists, too.
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But isn't Phoenix, himself, a demon? Demons summoning other demons...?
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