October 4th

[vessel_ken_amada]

[CW: death]


It was a day where Ken was nowhere to be seen. Not in his room, the house, his old room, or anywhere he usually was. His phone was off, too. It may have seemed like he completely disappeared, had he not told Raven quickly before leaving that he'd be busy all day - just for the sake of not having a search party for him.

Someone going in that shady spot behind the Tatsumi Port Island station, however, would find him. He was there the whole day, just standing in the middle, not moving, seeming almost lifeless, his gaze lost in the void.

It was October 4th.

The day where she died.

The day where she was brutally murdered.

A scream. Sickly green hues. A giant monster suddenly appearing. Everything breaking apart. Rubble everywhere. She was shouting at him, pushing away, saving him. Blood. Terror.

...

...

Will someone approach him?

Comments

[vessel_ken_amada]

"But good people are at the mercy of bad people," he answers quietly. "Everything can disappear in an instant, always."

[fogboundcrow]

"It can, but that doesn't mean it will. And even if you can't protect all the innocent people in the world, you can still take small steps, not only for yourself, but for those close to you."

He glances up at the night sky, even though the city lights block out most of the stars. "One person can't and shouldn't influence the entire world. Otherwise, you get people like Dr. Maruki and worlds like Sparrow's."

[minipancake]

His lips turn down at the mention of Sparrow. "That's why we need each other, right? It's because there are bad people that we need to stick together. To protect each other. Imagine if, instead of going home to do whatever and die alone, you could go home with Raven. You're powerful. You could protect him."

And Wagtail won't be there. He has friends in his own world, good friends, better than he ever imagined, but... Raven is special. And he knows Ken knows that, too.

[vessel_ken_amada]

He opens his mouth to answer Raven, retort on the tip of his tongue, when Wagtail suddenly renders him speechless.

He opens and closes his mouth several times, words missing him.

"That's not- Igor would never agree- They would never accept me- I-"

...

"...this discussion is pointless. When I lost my humanity, I lost my ability to control my own fate. This -" he gestures at his own face "- also came with a premature expiration date."

[fogboundcrow]

"How do you know?" Yes, that's a bold thing to ask, when Raven doesn't know all the ins and outs of Ken's situation. "It sounds to me as though you're surrendering to a presumed fate, when it's possible you could fight to define your own fate and walk a different path. And for all you know, you'd be accepted with open arms."

[minipancake]

"It sounds to me like someone got into your head," Wagtail offers. "I mean... sometimes it's not even a person, you know. Sometimes it's the world making you feel like you've got no choice, like there's no hope. My—"

He swallows, struggling for a moment. "My father was like that. Raven knows."

[vessel_ken_amada]

"...I paid a price. I'm not allowed to tell more."

[fogboundcrow]

"It sounds to me like someone is forcing you into silence." Which isn't okay, and a sharpness returns to Raven's voice. "If that's the case, then you have many people here willing to help you. If we must, we can all surround Igor to ensure that he aids you."

[minipancake]

"That would be funny." Wagtail can't quite chuckle, but it would be funny. "All of us surrounding his desk, refusing to leave. Demanding justice. Who'd blink first."

More seriously, he goes on, "He brought you here for a reason, Ken. All I can say is, he'd better pay up. The older kids would help you, too. Crow would for sure."

And as for whether they could all beat the shit out of Igor... well, Wagtail would like to watch.

[vessel_ken_amada]

No no no no no no.

He can't - he can't talk. He can't say anything. He can't jeopardize the mission.

"...you can try, but I'm pretty sure Igor will not let me leave."

[fogboundcrow]

"I'm more concerned with whoever it is that's keeping you quiet and making sure you have a happy, fulfilling life." Because that's what matters. It's clear that something deeper lies under the surface.

[minipancake]

Yeah. Ken is not going to listen to them. He's not where he can listen to them. So Wagtail just pulls him close, and sighs.

"Think about what we said, okay?" He will not pet Ken's hair. Bad hands. "Just because you were told something doesn't make it true. And more than one thing can be true."

[vessel_ken_amada]

...

"Why are you trying so hard? I'm not worth it."

[fogboundcrow]

"Yes you are! You're been nothing but a loyal friend this entire time, and I'm not about to lose faith in you. We all need at least someone to lift us up when no one else will..."

Quiet until now, his Shadow awkwardly chimes in. "Even Go—er, Raven had times where he questioned if he'd be better off dead, but he persisted because he refused to let the wickedness of the world crush his spirit. I believe you have that same strength inside of you."

[minipancake]

Wagtail is silent for a long moment whle Raven talks; Ken will feel him slump. In the end, he quietly says, "That's the biggest lie of all. Of course you're worth it. Anyone, anything who told you you weren't is full of it. Even if it was the whole world."

[vessel_ken_amada]

"...what do you three even see in me?"

[fogboundcrow]

"A kindred spirit!" Raven's Shadow says.

"A kind, loyal friend who hasn't entirely lost himself despite the unfair tragedies you've endured." But that's not all. Where else does Raven even begin to convey it all?

His Shadow steps in for him. "You always look out for Raven and everyone else you hold dear. And you're intelligent and fun to be around."

"And even when I do meet the version of you from my world, he'll have a difficult act to live up to."

[minipancake]

Again, Wagtail has a harder time replying. How to sum up what he sees in Ken, without just pissing him off? "I guess I know what it's like to be lost in the dark."

[vessel_ken_amada]

"I..."

Ken looks at them, baffled. How could they say such nice things to him...?

...

"You're wrong. Don't be fooled, I'm just an empty shell. An abomination. I'm just... the end."

To make his point, he stops resisting the channeling. Power fills him, he spits a huge pool of blood on the ground, his red eye glows, and suddenly a strong feeling of Death is here, you must run, you must run starts filling the area.

[fogboundcrow]

Raven winces. The feeling. It's spilling forth, horrifying, spreading. He can feel his heart racing, his skin crawling. Alarm bells blare in his head, but still... Still!

"Stop trying to push us away!"

His Shadow whimpers. "Goro..."

cw abuse

[minipancake]

"I don't care!" Gritting his teeth, Wagtail locks on to Ken even tighter, though the knowledge of his death creeps all through him— under his fingernails, up each of his veins, settling in the core of his being. It's a lot, but he's his mother's son; he's been alone more than he's been loved; he's lived half his life with death one false move away.

"Kill me, if you're going to! Go on! I dare you! But I won't let go! You're going to have to kill me to make me give up on you, Ken."

[vessel_ken_amada]

"Don't you get it!? This isn't an attack to push you away! This is the truth! This is what" - he pronounces like the dirtiest word - "I really am! This is what is always inside me! I may try to hide it at times, but don't be fools!"

[fogboundcrow]

"No, Ken. This isn't what you are inside. These abilities don't define you as a person!" And so he clings, even with the horrible feeling pervading, tears in his eyes. "You're still you. You're still our friend!"

"Y-You mean so much to us..." his Shadow shakily adds, despite the terror welling up inside.

[minipancake]

"Right, Ken!" Okay, he's really had enough of this. If death is coming closer every second, then he screams defiance at it. "This is all you are. And I'm just the whore's bastard son from Kabukicho. Just dirty trash. Do you have any idea how much of that I heard? How much I believed it? I still believe it!"

A tear runs down his face. "You like food. You like cuddles. You like Raven. You are what you are, but it doesn't have to be all you are! You define what you are!"

[vessel_ken_amada]

The feeling suddenly stops, and Ken starts sobbing again.

It was so... overwhelming. There were people who liked some parts of him, and who cared so much they were willing to brave everything else for those tiny bits. What did he do to deserve it? Why him? Why???