[Semi-open, see post for details and cws] Breaking point

[vessel_ken_amada]

[Content warnings: suicidal ideation, graphic descriptions]



It's hard to know when exactly the shift started to happen. At first, Ken did not show any abnormal signs. Sure, he was far from being a good state, but he was no worse than expected right after weeks of intense stress, a fight to save the multiverse, and a massive injury.

But things started to spiral some time after this. It became more and more visible to those around him. He was often... mentally checked out. Like he wasnt't really there at all. And that was when he didn't decide to hide in a hole alone with no warning. And it became worse and worse.

And now... he is at a breaking point.

It's not exactly clear what was the final thing that pushed things over the edge, but Ken's head is filled with mental static. He barely even remembers that he is walking through Tokyo's streets, and is certainly not perceiving anything around him, going around on autopilot.

The pain is so much. So, so, so much. He is used to pain, his very existence brings about excruciating physical pain, a consequence of a body stitched together against all natural laws. But his wound, his unhealing wound, his gap in his very essence, makes it ten times worse, and brings his pain to new, unbearable heights.

His mind is static. What is the point? Why is he here? He is so tired. He hurts. The pain is unbearable. No one can truly relate to what he is. The pain, it hurts. He is so tired. Why bother? Why exist?

His mind is static. The world is horror. Buildings fall into rubble. His mind is static. People are locking him up. They are looking at him with fear. They are looking at him with pity. They are looking at him with anger. His arm is bleeding. He is yelled at. No one notices. No one bothers. They are giving up. They don't look at him. They mock him. They don't take him seriously. They don't care that his parents were murdered. They are happy, even. They praise the murderer. Reward him. Throw him into the dust.

His mouth is filled with ash. His pet hamster is thrown into the trash. They are raising their voice. They are leaving him alone. This person is trying to grab him. This person is a puddle of blood. He is alone. He must scavenge for food. He gives up on food. He doesn't need it anyway.

The blood is everywhere, a puddle on the ground. Intestines are dragging on the ground. Why bother? The word is hateful. They aren't looking at him. They aren't seeing him. They only give him pity. It hurts. So much fighting, and for what? It hurts. No one cared about him. It hurts. Nothing is fair. It hurts. He hates, hates, hates, hates, hates so much being alive. Why is he alive? Why is he cursed with being alive? Why wasn't he the one to die and save his mother? Why is the one who killed her being rewarded, given everything, having his problems fixed?

Ken hates everything. Why live in such a world? But above, Ken hates himself. Why does he live? What good is he? He hurts, he hurts, he hurts. People like him, but he is poison, they will choke, they will die, they will suffer, agony, agony. He is hollow, everything good emptied like his innards are. His other self was so cruel. They had so much trouble because he was so weak. He almost messed it all up for everyone. He is a disease, he must be cured, he must be-

His bones are fractured. He is given meds, they make him go crazy, he vomits, he is locked up, he is belittled, they want to kill him, they hate him. His head is rolling on the ground. Let it end. Please let it end. Let it all end, let it end only for him, at this point, what does it matter? Just grant him mercy. Please. Please. Please. Grant him rest. It is too difficult. Too hard. There's no point. Please. Please.



[Locked to those with existing CR with Ken.]

A. You noticed the signs of Nox worsening, and tried to talk to him (or even just discuss with someone else!) before the breaking point was reached.

B. You find Nox a few hours after the events of this post. He is alone, sitting and hugging his knees, crying. He is somewhat hidden. His clothes are torn up and completely drenched in blood, and there is blood splattered all around.

Comments

[fledglingcrow]

It had been hours since Ken was last home. So Jay went off to look for him. He wandered around, aimlessly, he didn't know where Ken was. The more the time passed the more anxious Jay had become. There wasn't a reason for his anxiety, not one he could place anyways.

Finally after a long while, he heard crying. He swallowed, if someone needed help, Ken was strong, he could do things. Jay made his way in the direction of the crying. That's when he saw Ken... his Ken. Curled up, crying. There was blood everywhere, but that didn't matter as much as him making sure Ken wasn't hurt.

He ran as fast as he could, "Are you hurt?" He asked, almost breathless, reaching out to try and assess him.

[vessel_ken_amada]

Ken was completely lost inside his own heard. He doesn't even notice anything happening...

[fledglingcrow]

Jay took a breath, before putting his whole body weight behind grabbing Ken and holding him as tight as he could. "It's okay I'm here."

[vessel_ken_amada]

Ken is startled by the touch, and shakes, but doesn't really try to escape the hug. The whole body weight of Jay is grounding, and after some long minutes, his arms tentatively, almost mechanically, wrap themselves around Jay.

[fledglingcrow]

"It's okay, I'm here." that just became a mantra that he kept repeating. The arms around ken just got as tight as he could, which he didn't feel bad about since he knew he couldn't hurt him.

[vessel_ken_amada]

Ken kept crying for a while. His mind was still full of static, but eventually, he started weakly perceiving some things again.

Which is when he realized...

"...Jay?"

[fledglingcrow]

"Yeah, it's me. I'm right here." he said closing his eyes as he tries to put all his effort into Ken.

[vessel_ken_amada]

He blinked a few times, having trouble processing what is going on.

"...what are you doing here?" he eventually asked.

[fledglingcrow]

"I came to find you," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You hadn't come home in a long time."

B

[fogboundcrow]

Raven has been looking for Ken. He's tried to speak to him, tried to keep his spirits high, tried to just make sure he's okay, but something was wrong.

All the sadness was supposed to end once they beat Fatalis, so why? Why now?

Raven searches everywhere he can think of, but eventually the smell of blood propels him forward.

"Ken!"

[vessel_ken_amada]

The mental static in Ken's mind makes him not even register Raven's arrival.

[fogboundcrow]

Screw it. Raven's not taking any chances here. "Lakshmi!"

A burst of blue light brings forth the Persona, and she showers Ken with healing light. That has to help, right? Please work...

[vessel_ken_amada]

The healing doesn't really do anything because there isn't much to heal, but the foreign sensation in his body does grab Ken's attention.

His head shots up, and he looks around, but he's not really seeing anything.

[fogboundcrow]

What if Raven sits beside him? Will that help?

He places a tentative hand on Ken's shoulder as well.

[vessel_ken_amada]

He doesn't notice Raven sitting next to him, but the touch does trigger a reaction. He brings his own hand towards Raven's hand, not to push it away, but as if to acertain what this strange thing is.

[fogboundcrow]

"Ken, it's all right. I'm here." Here, he'll pull Ken closer, into a supportive hug.

[vessel_ken_amada]

Ken wriggles a little but he's not really trying to escape the hug, he's just not correctly registering it. But as time passes, he relaxes a little, then mechanically reciprocates the hug. He puts his head on Raven's shoulder and resumes crying.

B

[willowandoak]

For better or worse, Ren knows the smell of blood.

Back home, he'd have minded his own business about it. But he's never once smelled it here, just out in the open like this; the cognitions don't attack each other like that, don't make each other bleed. So something is weird. Someone is hurt, maybe, or someone is hurting others. Caradoc stirs in his mind, grim and quiet, watching through his eyes. He draws his Evoker and (like a dog, he thinks sourly) follows the scent.

He's not expecting to find Amada, and definitely not in the state he's in. He pauses for a split second, startled, then shoves his Evoker back into his jeans and approaches. When he's close enough to speak, but hopefully not close enough to register as a danger, he says, "Hey, man. What happened?"

[vessel_ken_amada]

Ken moves... but not as a reaction to Drake's arrival. His words don't even register. He's just weakly thrashing around, before coughing up more blood.

[willowandoak]

Fucking hell. Okay. Ren draws his Evoker again and sets it against his head. "Come, Hastur," he murmurs, pulling the trigger, and, as usual, he has the worst split second of his damn life. But more importantly, his Persona appears, a vaguely humanoid mass of tentacles twisting ominously behind him. He likes Hastur; he likes the way people look at him when he goes to heal and pulls out that. But he's not convinced Amada is seeing Hastur right now, or anything else.

He's also not sure he can successfully heal Amada, but he gives it a try anyway. Hastur casts a couple spells, intended to heal Amada's wounds and cure him of any weird conditions. Ren watches carefully to see if it has any effect whatsoever.

[vessel_ken_amada]

It's hard to tell if the healing spells have any kind of effect, but for each one cast, Ken seems to notice something is happening. A few interruptions in his inner turmoil in close succession seem to be enough to cause a reaction, and he gets up with some difficulty... but, despite looking around, he doesn't really seem to see anything.

[willowandoak]

What would Goro do if he were here?

...Goro would probably walk up to the dangerous kid who doesn't know anyone's around, or some shit. So against his better judgment, Ren tucks the Evoker away again and approaches, avoiding any splashes of blood. "You're good," he says, more for the soothing tone of voice than because he thinks Amada will understand his words. "You're safe. If anything tries to get you, I'll tear it apart. You don't have to fight, I'll take the next one. If you can hear me, can you nod?"

As he speaks, he tries to look Amada over and catalogue his injuries.

[vessel_ken_amada]

As Drake looks closer, he would notice that despite Ken's clothes being a total mess, torn to shreds and drenched in more blood than should be possible, and despite the splatterings and puddles of blood all around him, and despite the blood that Ken is occasionally coughing... He somehow doesn't seem injured. There are scars, and what's exposed of Ken's body is its usual horrible mess, but there are no open wounds to be found.

It's unclear if Ken even registered Drake's voice, but he does seem to be looking towards his direction now.

[willowandoak]

Ren is developing some theories about what might have happened. But until any of them are confirmed, he can't be sure something else isn't around, able to cause at least temporary damage to Amada. Or maybe Amada has eliminated a threat, but if he's coughing up blood, it wasn't without injury...

The response could be better, but it could be worse, too. Ren's getting more of a reaction than he was at first. He can maybe work with it, maybe. "It must suck to be standing around in those clothes," he says, still in the same calming tone. "You want my overshirt?" He takes off his long, open overshirt and slowly holds it out. His arms bear their own scars, mostly taken in various knife fights over the years. "We need to get you somewhere before we can deal with the rest of it, but you can at least lose that shirt, if you want."

[vessel_ken_amada]

Ken is still not at a stage where he can really hear or see anything, but he's finally registering that someone is trying to talk to him. There is a voice that's piercing through the static.

"Who... who's there?" he asks, staggering a little.