Ken Amada (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
vessel_ken_amada) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
personavelvetroomdr2025-03-28 05:42 am
vessel_ken_amada) wrote in personavelvetroomdr2025-03-28 05:42 am
Entry tags:
[Semi-open, see post for details and cws] Breaking point
[Content warnings: suicidal ideation, graphic descriptions]
It's hard to know when exactly the shift started to happen. At first, Ken did not show any abnormal signs. Sure, he was far from being a good state, but he was no worse than expected right after weeks of intense stress, a fight to save the multiverse, and a massive injury.
But things started to spiral some time after this. It became more and more visible to those around him. He was often... mentally checked out. Like he wasnt't really there at all. And that was when he didn't decide to hide in a hole alone with no warning. And it became worse and worse.
And now... he is at a breaking point.
It's not exactly clear what was the final thing that pushed things over the edge, but Ken's head is filled with mental static. He barely even remembers that he is walking through Tokyo's streets, and is certainly not perceiving anything around him, going around on autopilot.
The pain is so much. So, so, so much. He is used to pain, his very existence brings about excruciating physical pain, a consequence of a body stitched together against all natural laws. But his wound, his unhealing wound, his gap in his very essence, makes it ten times worse, and brings his pain to new, unbearable heights.
His mind is static. What is the point? Why is he here? He is so tired. He hurts. The pain is unbearable. No one can truly relate to what he is. The pain, it hurts. He is so tired. Why bother? Why exist?
His mind is static. The world is horror. Buildings fall into rubble. His mind is static. People are locking him up. They are looking at him with fear. They are looking at him with pity. They are looking at him with anger. His arm is bleeding. He is yelled at. No one notices. No one bothers. They are giving up. They don't look at him. They mock him. They don't take him seriously. They don't care that his parents were murdered. They are happy, even. They praise the murderer. Reward him. Throw him into the dust.
His mouth is filled with ash. His pet hamster is thrown into the trash. They are raising their voice. They are leaving him alone. This person is trying to grab him. This person is a puddle of blood. He is alone. He must scavenge for food. He gives up on food. He doesn't need it anyway.
The blood is everywhere, a puddle on the ground. Intestines are dragging on the ground. Why bother? The word is hateful. They aren't looking at him. They aren't seeing him. They only give him pity. It hurts. So much fighting, and for what? It hurts. No one cared about him. It hurts. Nothing is fair. It hurts. He hates, hates, hates, hates, hates so much being alive. Why is he alive? Why is he cursed with being alive? Why wasn't he the one to die and save his mother? Why is the one who killed her being rewarded, given everything, having his problems fixed?
Ken hates everything. Why live in such a world? But above, Ken hates himself. Why does he live? What good is he? He hurts, he hurts, he hurts. People like him, but he is poison, they will choke, they will die, they will suffer, agony, agony. He is hollow, everything good emptied like his innards are. His other self was so cruel. They had so much trouble because he was so weak. He almost messed it all up for everyone. He is a disease, he must be cured, he must be-
His bones are fractured. He is given meds, they make him go crazy, he vomits, he is locked up, he is belittled, they want to kill him, they hate him. His head is rolling on the ground. Let it end. Please let it end. Let it all end, let it end only for him, at this point, what does it matter? Just grant him mercy. Please. Please. Please. Grant him rest. It is too difficult. Too hard. There's no point. Please. Please.
[Locked to those with existing CR with Ken.]
A. You noticed the signs of Nox worsening, and tried to talk to him (or even just discuss with someone else!) before the breaking point was reached.
B. You find Nox a few hours after the events of this post. He is alone, sitting and hugging his knees, crying. He is somewhat hidden. His clothes are torn up and completely drenched in blood, and there is blood splattered all around.
It's hard to know when exactly the shift started to happen. At first, Ken did not show any abnormal signs. Sure, he was far from being a good state, but he was no worse than expected right after weeks of intense stress, a fight to save the multiverse, and a massive injury.
But things started to spiral some time after this. It became more and more visible to those around him. He was often... mentally checked out. Like he wasnt't really there at all. And that was when he didn't decide to hide in a hole alone with no warning. And it became worse and worse.
And now... he is at a breaking point.
It's not exactly clear what was the final thing that pushed things over the edge, but Ken's head is filled with mental static. He barely even remembers that he is walking through Tokyo's streets, and is certainly not perceiving anything around him, going around on autopilot.
The pain is so much. So, so, so much. He is used to pain, his very existence brings about excruciating physical pain, a consequence of a body stitched together against all natural laws. But his wound, his unhealing wound, his gap in his very essence, makes it ten times worse, and brings his pain to new, unbearable heights.
His mind is static. What is the point? Why is he here? He is so tired. He hurts. The pain is unbearable. No one can truly relate to what he is. The pain, it hurts. He is so tired. Why bother? Why exist?
His mind is static. The world is horror. Buildings fall into rubble. His mind is static. People are locking him up. They are looking at him with fear. They are looking at him with pity. They are looking at him with anger. His arm is bleeding. He is yelled at. No one notices. No one bothers. They are giving up. They don't look at him. They mock him. They don't take him seriously. They don't care that his parents were murdered. They are happy, even. They praise the murderer. Reward him. Throw him into the dust.
His mouth is filled with ash. His pet hamster is thrown into the trash. They are raising their voice. They are leaving him alone. This person is trying to grab him. This person is a puddle of blood. He is alone. He must scavenge for food. He gives up on food. He doesn't need it anyway.
The blood is everywhere, a puddle on the ground. Intestines are dragging on the ground. Why bother? The word is hateful. They aren't looking at him. They aren't seeing him. They only give him pity. It hurts. So much fighting, and for what? It hurts. No one cared about him. It hurts. Nothing is fair. It hurts. He hates, hates, hates, hates, hates so much being alive. Why is he alive? Why is he cursed with being alive? Why wasn't he the one to die and save his mother? Why is the one who killed her being rewarded, given everything, having his problems fixed?
Ken hates everything. Why live in such a world? But above, Ken hates himself. Why does he live? What good is he? He hurts, he hurts, he hurts. People like him, but he is poison, they will choke, they will die, they will suffer, agony, agony. He is hollow, everything good emptied like his innards are. His other self was so cruel. They had so much trouble because he was so weak. He almost messed it all up for everyone. He is a disease, he must be cured, he must be-
His bones are fractured. He is given meds, they make him go crazy, he vomits, he is locked up, he is belittled, they want to kill him, they hate him. His head is rolling on the ground. Let it end. Please let it end. Let it all end, let it end only for him, at this point, what does it matter? Just grant him mercy. Please. Please. Please. Grant him rest. It is too difficult. Too hard. There's no point. Please. Please.
[Locked to those with existing CR with Ken.]
A. You noticed the signs of Nox worsening, and tried to talk to him (or even just discuss with someone else!) before the breaking point was reached.
B. You find Nox a few hours after the events of this post. He is alone, sitting and hugging his knees, crying. He is somewhat hidden. His clothes are torn up and completely drenched in blood, and there is blood splattered all around.
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"R-Raven? Why are you- what are you doing?"
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"It's not about needing help, it's about- it's about- if I'm going to be an abomination, I might as well- what's the point of suffering like this if I don't even get anything out of it? It hurts- every second hurts- and I just want- I just want- I HATE IT ALL!" he eventually shouts.
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