Ken's arrival (bis repetita)

[the_ken]

Okay. Well. Ken had to admit that, when he went to bed last night, he did not expect to wake up in a blue room and be welcomed by a long-nosed man. He would have thought that it was a dream, but he's been in enough of them to know it's nothing of the sort. This place had a dinstinct, strong feeling, not quite reality, but much firmer than a dream.

He wasn't certain he could trust Igor-san yet, if he was perfectly honest. But in the case that he was not lying... it was actually great news. The real world was rough, currently, with Yuki-san being...

...

Well, a pause to make new friends couldn't hurt. Especially since he was learning again, learning to be alive, learning to live for himself, like Aragaki-san had asked him to. He couldn't let him down, not in a million years.

Malicious or not, Igor-san was right. He needed bonds. And he would make them.

Someone may meet this Ken...

1) while reading the information board. Even if being here seemed to overall be a good thing, that did not mean throwing caution out of the window. He needed information, and the kind soul having put together this compilation would save him a lot of time.

2) in Iwatodai, Ken being curious to see if the dorm SEES stayed at was still a thing in this strange place.

Comments

[the_ken]

"But- but- but-"

Remember what they taught you? If you are panicking, deep breathes. Deep breathes. In... out. In... out.

"I mean... sorry for having reacted like that! It's just that..." you are dead. "Well, it's a bit hard to adjust to everything! All these worlds and timelines..."

November 2009... oh.

"To answer your question... I'm from March 2010." His voice was small and quiet, and he was still slightly shaking.

[burnmydreadbabe]

March 2010. He's heard what happened from Crow but that seems so...soon. "I've been told." There's no need for Ken to worry about sparing his feelings when he was so young. When he's seen more death than anyone his age should. "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to."

[the_ken]

Oh, he knew. That was a huge weight lifted off his shoulders: he really didn't know what he should have done if that wasn't the case.

"I will admit that this is a bit hard..."

It was too soon. It was too raw. But he couldn't step away. He couldn't make himself leave while he finally saw his face again.

[burnmydreadbabe]

Makoto isn't surprised that it's difficult. He'd be weirded out to see his parents or his sister alive and well again, and they passed away almost ten years ago. It's a little bit harder to comfort someone about his own death though. What do you even say to someone about that?

"Wanna talk about it or take your mind off of it?" Either way Makoto isn't just going to not be there for Ken, even if the source of his emotional distress is a little bit surreal to Makoto himself.

[the_ken]

"Ha... only you could talk about your death on that casual of a tone, Yuki-san."

...

"It just happened..." he continued in a small voice. "We all thought you were tired and were going to rest, and then you... never woke up. We didn't even get to say goodbye to you... we were all blindsided."

Talking about it was hard, it really was. Tears started to form themselves in the corner of his eyes. But on the other hand, it felt relieving to finally talk about it.

[burnmydreadbabe]

Just...happened? Makoto was told that he sealed Nyx away from humanity at the cost of his life. It didn't happen right away then. Hm.

"I'm sorry," he finds himself saying anyway. He knows how difficult it can be when you don't get closure from someone passing. It doesn't feel right that Makoto would do that to his team, but there's still a lot surrounding the circumstances of his death that he doesn't know.

[the_ken]

"It... it's fine. You don't have to apologize for that you didn't do, right? You are two different persons, no matter how similar you are. It's just..."

It's just so difficult. Ken knew that Yuki-san likely had a good reason to give up his own life, but... the wound was still so fresh, the pain still so raw. It hurt. It hurt so much.

[burnmydreadbabe]

"I mean, we could be the same person at different points. And I do know how bad it can be when you don't get closure." He still can't figure why he would do that. Maybe it was out of his control. He really hoped that it was.

So for better or worse he is sorry. That he left them like that, and that it happened to Ken even if Ken didn't blame him.

[the_ken]

"It just happened, and we don't know much about it... We think it's the strain of what he had to do a month ago, but we're not sure yet. I'm sorry that I can't give you any more details than that."

...

He tried to compose himself a little.

"Yuki-san... can I ask you something?"

[burnmydreadbabe]

Not sure what happened. Maybe the only person that would have the answers would be himself.

He stands up a little straighter when Ken asks if he can ask him something. "Yeah, anything."

[the_ken]

Ken takes a little time to collect himself.

"Well," he started, a little hesitant, "I'm sure you're aware that sometimes, you're not the easiest person to read. So, I'm wondering... what did you think during the time you were with SEES? What did you feel? I know you may not be the exact same person than our Yuki-san, but..."

Ken took another pause, unsure how to word his thoughts.

"Well, maybe if we have a little more insight in your thought process, it'll be easier to grieve and move on. I'm not sure if I'm making sense."

[burnmydreadbabe]

That was a deep question. Maybe he should expect that kind of thing from Ken. How does he even go about answering that? He has to try at least.

"You guys are like family to me." And given what happened to the last people he called family, he doesn't take that lightly. Iwatodai dorm was more of a home than any of his relative's homes had ever been. "I'll do anything to keep you guys safe." Including giving up his life, however it happened.

[the_ken]

"Family, huh..." answered Ken, who couldn't help but smile a little. SEES really did feel like a place where they could belong, didn't it?

"I think I'm starting to get the picture, but let me clarify a little what I was asking. Why did you fight against Shadows? How did it feel like to be the field leader and to handle that responsibility? How did it feel to risk your life? Were you ever scared? Did you ever have doubts?"

He winced a little.

"I'm sorry, that's a lot of questions. I don't want to overwhelm you."

tw- mild suicidal thoughts

[burnmydreadbabe]

"At first just cuz I was asked to." When he first awakened to Orpheus he really couldn't care less if he lived or died. "Definitely didn't scare me nearly as much as it should to start out."

"At some point though...I started wanting to protect my friends. One time before you joined Junpei ran off by himself and I was really scared to lose him." He was fine risking his life for the people he cared about and the people by his side. He's not sure if that answered everything Ken wanted to know, but he didn't want to ramble too long. "I wouldn't let anyone else sacrifice themselves if it came to it, if that's what you're asking."

[the_ken]

"I see. That was not my question, I just wanted to have an idea of your state of mind during all this time... but your answers helped. Thank you."

So Yuki-san was apathetic to it all at first, but came to care for SEES, and fought for them, and died to give them a future. Simple enough, he supposed... Sometimes things aren't complicated. This was actually a relieving answer: there was fear within the survivors that he sacrificed himself because he felt like it simply was his duty, that all the responsibilities SEES festered on him became too much pressure in the end. But it looked like it was a choice to save his friends, his family.

...Yuki-san really was so cool.

"Well, enough with the deep stuff. But... can I ask one more question? It's a selfish, personal one, and you really don't have to answer. But..."

His voice became really small and hesitant.

"...was I useful as a SEES member? If you answer, please answer honestly. Don't try to spare my feelings."

[burnmydreadbabe]

Ken asks Makoto if he was a useful member to the team. Makoto hadn't ever been one to spare feelings, so Ken didn't need to ask him not to. "You were. We wouldn't have gotten this far without you." Makoto couldn't fathom being able to have any hope through some of the stuff that happened recently without everyone there. Ken included.

[the_ken]

A big smile appeared on his face.

"Thank you. It's a relief to hear that, especially from you. I'm not as... well, insecure as I was before, but..."

He bit his lip.

"This kind of thoughts still haunt me from time to time."

Seeing the decisions Yuki-san made back in Ken's homeworld, he knew he was considered an equal to the others, but... having it said out loud still helped.