[EVENT] Memory Tapes

[vrdr_mods]

On the morning of November 21st, denizens in the Velvet Room will awake to a message on their phones or by their bedsides in an envelope. Perhaps even on their computer screens.

Greetings! If you've received this message, then you've been selected as a participant in a new activity to strengthen bonds within this community.

In order to facilitate connections with your fellow residents, we advise you to watch this video. Watch it and return the tape to its rightful owner. If you lacked the means to watch VHS tapes before, we have provided you with the necessary equipment.

Failure to do so may put your own memories at risk. Do not be selfish, lest you find yourself struggling to recall crucial moments of your life. You have no way of knowing which memories have been shared, so ask yourself if it is worth the risk to selfishly hoard another's secrets.

They will soon find a VHS tape, with a case that gives off a soft, blue glow to symbolize its importance. If they lack a TV or VCR, they will find one in their living space.

What they do is up to them, but they should heed the warning, if they value their own memories.


[For links to characters' memories, please see this post in the OOC comm. Have fun!]

Comments

[willowandoak]

A choked laugh tears free of Ren's throat. "You're crazy."

[lakebrat]

"Hey. Don't give me that shit." It's hollow, but gentle all the same. He stretches his arms and legs around Ren, drawing himself closer.

"You were afraid of what he might do, if you hesitated. If you didn't give him what he wanted." Like the picture in the Palace. The one Ren can't remember; the one Goro didn't see. Only its effects.

mild self-harm

[willowandoak]

"That's not... I could've, if only I hadn't been so..." He digs his fingernails into his forearms, frustrated. "How the fuck did you go from trying to kill you faster to trying to save you?"

[lakebrat]

"Isn't that what it was?" He reaches down, covering Ren's hands with his own in a gentle but unyielding grip. "I'm not saying I would have gone quietly. I could say you should have died rather than kill me, sure. But what were we to each other, really, back then?"

Not friends, for sure, and not rivals. Not chessmates, either. Go partners, perhaps, both drawn together and yet fighting for every inch of territory.

"It was going to be you or me. And you at least would make it clean. I know that. Shido, though?" Revulsion enters his voice. "He would have peeled my skin off just to watch me dance. I was going to be just as dead no matter what you did."

As for going quietly, though... he's heard enough by now. Handcuffed, drugged and beaten, there might have been very little fight left in him. Hopefully he'll never know.

[willowandoak]

Maybe they weren't anything to each other, but to Ren, Goro was—

He turns in Goro's arms and drops his head onto his shoulder. "But I changed my mind before you got here," he says dully. "Last October. You weren't even around, nothing about us had changed, but I still decided the plan sucked. So I could've done it whenever."

If Ren had just been brave, for once in his entire fucking life, maybe Goro's life wouldn't have hung by a thread. If there had been a point to being loved by him.

[lakebrat]

Goro readjusts, pulling Ren close, into his arms. "Wasn't it September when you got here? Sounds like you changed as soon as you could. As soon as you had the chance to stop and think about it."

He runs a hand over Ren's back. "And as soon as you saw me again, you gave me what I needed to save myself. That same day. That isn't nothing."

[willowandoak]

"It wasn't enough."

[lakebrat]

"But you gave it, all the same."

He traces a hand through Ren's hair, like he does, cradling him by the curve of his skull. "And, if it helps at all, if you need it—I forgive you."

[willowandoak]

He makes a discontented little noise. "What does that even mean? Forgiveness. People just say it when they want to sound good."

[lakebrat]

"You think I want to sound good?" The gentle brush of his thumb past Ren's ear becomes a little pointed.

[willowandoak]

"I don't... What does it mean, then? Like, I can say I forgave you for the art dealer thing that happened, or whatever, but I just mean I'm not usually pissed off about it anymore. Is that it? Just not being mad?"

He has not mentioned the art dealer thing before. He's not unaware of that, exactly, but his focus is elsewhere.

[lakebrat]

For a moment, his mind stutters over the art dealer thing, not sure what Ren means. Then he places it: the threats in August, the ones they'd cleaned up after all, with Futaba's help. Ren had been directly involved with that?

Relaxing as the sudden tension goes out of him, he backtracks. "I guess. That I'm not holding a grudge. That I've made peace with it, for my part. That, as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't need to be between us."

[willowandoak]

Ren listens, eyes half-shut, trying to grasp what Goro is saying in his hands. It's hard to hold it.

"I don't want to make peace with it," he admits softly.

[lakebrat]

Blinking away tears before he can embarrass himself, he kisses the top of Ren's head. "You don't have to. Not unless and until you're ready. I just wanted you to know that I have."

But he's listening, if Ren wants to talk.

[willowandoak]

He sits there for a long moment, just breathing, feeling Goro's arms around him and the warmth of his body. Eventually he opens his mouth, unsure what he's going to say until he hears himself speak.

"Sometimes I want to—to find anyone who's ever hurt you. And anyone who could ever hurt you. And hunt them all down. And then I'm like... oh, yeah."

[lakebrat]

People have done so much worse to me than you have, he wants to say. But dismissing Ren's guilt won't make it go away.

"One day you're going to look up, in... South America, or wherever we end up together. And you'll know that we took down all the people who could hurt us, all the ones on your list. And maybe you won't forgive yourself, still, but you'll at least know that things are okay."

He rubs Ren's back, steady and certain. "Because we will get there, Ren. It's coming."

[willowandoak]

"South America," he mutters. "I guess we could do Brazil." He would miss Tokyo, but... he'll probably just have to deal with that.

He shifts, readjusting so he's closer to Goro. It is not snuggling, he would insist. There'll never be a time when all those people are gone, he would say. But he's tired. It's not even noon yet, but the fucking tapes have wiped him out.

"Did you know," he says, instead of going for the final one. "For the anonymous art threat bullshit. Shido had me go in the Metaverse with the info the public would have, to try to find people who matched that description. He didn't want you to find anyone and affect the plan somehow. I looked for ages, but it was all too... vague, and made up. So I told him it was good, and you wouldn't be able to do anything."

[lakebrat]

That's... not good. Goro goes still. "What happened?"

[willowandoak]

"You did something," Ren says flatly. "And he had me brought in.

"I'd either failed or lied. He didn't believe me when I said I hadn't lied, but I don't think it would've mattered that much anyway. He had his... his thugs there. You know, you've seen them. But more than usual."

He doesn't want to spell it out. "Remember when I wouldn't hang out with you for a couple weeks?"

[lakebrat]

There is a moment of perfect, silent stillness, as Goro freezes with Ren there in his arms; as the picture forms itself in his head. Then his hands knot into fists against Ren's back. He is going to tear Shido limb from limb. And then he's going to forcefeed him the pieces. And then—

His head drops, as he pulls himself back under control; he sighs. "I'm sorry, Ren. It was pointless, too. Nothing but vanity."

[willowandoak]

Ren's face goes slack with surprise. He stares wide-eyed at the line of Goro's neck, his mind empty, his body filled with a strange, unsteady emotion.

"It's cool," he says hoarsely, after a long, conspicuous moment. Gun to his head, he wouldn't be able to think of anything else to say. I'm sorry, Ren.

[lakebrat]

Maybe if he stares at nothing hard enough, his face won't crack. His fingers twist into Ren's hair, as he tries to think of something to say, other than Was it bad?

"... did that happen often?" he asks instead. He can feel Ren's pulse against him, his warmth. They're here and now. It's okay. It will never be okay.

[willowandoak]

"Not really. A few times when I was younger, but I hadn't fucked up in a while." His voice darkens with bitterness. "I learned better."

So it was worse than when he was younger. A reminder. But he doesn't tell Goro that.

[lakebrat]

The hand in Ren's hair tightens painfully. "You mean he trained you like an animal."

And then made you blame yourself for what he tortured into you.

[willowandoak]

...It's not that Goro is wrong, but. "You don't have to say it like that," he mumbles.