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personavelvetroomdr2024-11-29 03:26 pm
willowandoak) wrote in personavelvetroomdr2024-11-29 03:26 pm
[network][locked from warped_ken_amada and any character under 10] anti-evil baby task force
[ The following initial paragraph is added on December 19th, following Zenkichi's arrival. ]
NOTICE TO ALL NEWCOMERS: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT AMADA, THE PLANNING, AND THE SITUATION EXCEPT IN THIS POST. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, ASK THEM HERE AND SOMEONE WILL ANSWER THEM. FOR FUCK'S SAKE *DON'T ASK PUBLICLY WHAT WE'RE ALL TALKING ABOUT IN LOCKED POSTS*
hey everyone (except amada and kiddos)
in case any of you aren't aware of the situation, one of the ken amadas killed falcon a couple days ago, then made a network post threatening the rest of us. so obv we need to neutralize him
i made my own post to collect ideas abt how to do that. this is part 2, and i'm gonna update this one with new info so pls save it and come back to it
THINGS WE KNOW
the most important new info is that if amada is killed, igor won't bring him back. he'll be dead forever. so killing him is back on the table in theory, though how to do that/whether we can do that is a question mark
i sent frog to ask igor & co some questions. they were p forthcoming by their standards. if anyone didn't know, they've said they didn't bring amada in. frog learned some interesting new stuff, too, such as the death thing. also: igor has less control over amada than he does over the rest of us, which we kinda already knew. when frog asked who brought amada to the velvet room if not igor, he said "he brought himself (|||❛︵❛.)" and then he didn't answer any followup questions such as, so how many other people can sense this place from the outside, and can they get in too
igor also confirmed that he would be willing to temporarily lift the restrictions on sagiri's powers to deal with amada
amada caused non-fatal harm to someone who went after him, so murder is not his *only* weapon. he can also do broken bones (* ^ ω ^) he also made it so that bone couldn't be healed, so it's a more serious issue than a lot of us are used to. that said, he's still threatened to kill any and all of us, and after falcon we should be taking that seriously
another amada wrote up this info for combat. READ THIS if you think you're likely to see combat with the psycho amada, and maybe even if you don't think so. DO NOT VOLUNTEER TO FIGHT until you've read it
IDEAS
lotus has said that he may be able to exert control over amada by receiving his name. he can't guarantee that it'll work tho
lotus also has another possible trick up his sleeve, more dangerous to everyone including him. frog and i know abt it tho so we can be thinking abt it, and if all else fails, we can all discuss it then
like i said above, sagiri is willing to use his god-level powers, though he hasn't explained what he would be doing w them
if igor agrees to unleash kira as well, kira might be able to possess amada and lower his defenses, and help get the rest of us out of danger
aragaki has brought up using amada's mother as a weak spot
we may be able to create rumors in sumaru that work to our advantage if we fight him there
shrike may be able to use psychic abilities to affect amadas state of mind. this is unpredictable and risky, probably best used if things are already looking grim
PREV IDEAS THAT NOW LOOK LESS GOOD
phoenix and renée have brought up swords that block regeneration. but they would have to strike a killing blow with the sword. to start with, other amada thought that might be impossible, and we also know now that a killing blow will be fatal no matter what weapon
maruki's actualization probably wouldn't work, and if it did it wouldn't stick, according to phoenix who has been actualized
FIGHTING
we're fucked if we don't at least get ready for a fight. it's gonna be rough (READ OTHER AMADA'S WRITEUP) but we've heard some thoughts
other amada is willing to train with us, starting in a few days
crow believes that bonds will be important in making wild cards stronger for upcoming battles
rose is going to look into items that pierce elemental resistance, including growing new plants w noir. the plants might or might not be ready in time
given the new info, i've cut some people from the fight list. i can vouch for the strength of most people who were in my palace. anyone else, i don't know as well. really think abt whether you're up to standard before volunteering. the current list of people who're up for a fight is as follows
-me
-frog
-glitch
-phoenix
-spades
-crow
-joker
-magpie
-falcon
-vampire ren
-briar
-renée
-hasegawa
-suou
-raven
-wild
-karasu
-amada
as well as the other amada, who is on another level than the rest of us
to stay on the list, train with not-psycho amada and work on defensively-oriented strats. once amada is ready to train, we'll set up a schedule
WHAT WE NEED RN (besides training + collecting items)
input on the ideas. we have a lot of "maybe it'll work"s and no "this will definitely work"s, so we need to decide on which maybes to try first and which to hold off on as a plan B, plan C, etc
to add/correct/remove ideas or volunteer/unvolunteer, reply to this post. if u wanna talk to me in person, i'll be taking care of leblanc for the next several days while frog goes on a research binge. after that, go to leblanc anyway and if i'm not already there, frog will summon me
the situation is shitty, but i don't think anyone here wants to sit around and let someone threaten our lives. if nothing else, amada seems like the kind of guy who would fuck up a little kid if they got in his way, and we have little akira and little goro wandering around. we've come together for less, some of us have killed gods, so we can come together and get rid of this threat now
NOTICE TO ALL NEWCOMERS: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT AMADA, THE PLANNING, AND THE SITUATION EXCEPT IN THIS POST. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, ASK THEM HERE AND SOMEONE WILL ANSWER THEM. FOR FUCK'S SAKE *DON'T ASK PUBLICLY WHAT WE'RE ALL TALKING ABOUT IN LOCKED POSTS*
hey everyone (except amada and kiddos)
in case any of you aren't aware of the situation, one of the ken amadas killed falcon a couple days ago, then made a network post threatening the rest of us. so obv we need to neutralize him
i made my own post to collect ideas abt how to do that. this is part 2, and i'm gonna update this one with new info so pls save it and come back to it
THINGS WE KNOW
the most important new info is that if amada is killed, igor won't bring him back. he'll be dead forever. so killing him is back on the table in theory, though how to do that/whether we can do that is a question mark
i sent frog to ask igor & co some questions. they were p forthcoming by their standards. if anyone didn't know, they've said they didn't bring amada in. frog learned some interesting new stuff, too, such as the death thing. also: igor has less control over amada than he does over the rest of us, which we kinda already knew. when frog asked who brought amada to the velvet room if not igor, he said "he brought himself (|||❛︵❛.)" and then he didn't answer any followup questions such as, so how many other people can sense this place from the outside, and can they get in too
igor also confirmed that he would be willing to temporarily lift the restrictions on sagiri's powers to deal with amada
amada caused non-fatal harm to someone who went after him, so murder is not his *only* weapon. he can also do broken bones (* ^ ω ^) he also made it so that bone couldn't be healed, so it's a more serious issue than a lot of us are used to. that said, he's still threatened to kill any and all of us, and after falcon we should be taking that seriously
another amada wrote up this info for combat. READ THIS if you think you're likely to see combat with the psycho amada, and maybe even if you don't think so. DO NOT VOLUNTEER TO FIGHT until you've read it
IDEAS
lotus has said that he may be able to exert control over amada by receiving his name. he can't guarantee that it'll work tho
lotus also has another possible trick up his sleeve, more dangerous to everyone including him. frog and i know abt it tho so we can be thinking abt it, and if all else fails, we can all discuss it then
like i said above, sagiri is willing to use his god-level powers, though he hasn't explained what he would be doing w them
if igor agrees to unleash kira as well, kira might be able to possess amada and lower his defenses, and help get the rest of us out of danger
aragaki has brought up using amada's mother as a weak spot
we may be able to create rumors in sumaru that work to our advantage if we fight him there
shrike may be able to use psychic abilities to affect amadas state of mind. this is unpredictable and risky, probably best used if things are already looking grim
PREV IDEAS THAT NOW LOOK LESS GOOD
phoenix and renée have brought up swords that block regeneration. but they would have to strike a killing blow with the sword. to start with, other amada thought that might be impossible, and we also know now that a killing blow will be fatal no matter what weapon
maruki's actualization probably wouldn't work, and if it did it wouldn't stick, according to phoenix who has been actualized
FIGHTING
we're fucked if we don't at least get ready for a fight. it's gonna be rough (READ OTHER AMADA'S WRITEUP) but we've heard some thoughts
other amada is willing to train with us, starting in a few days
crow believes that bonds will be important in making wild cards stronger for upcoming battles
rose is going to look into items that pierce elemental resistance, including growing new plants w noir. the plants might or might not be ready in time
given the new info, i've cut some people from the fight list. i can vouch for the strength of most people who were in my palace. anyone else, i don't know as well. really think abt whether you're up to standard before volunteering. the current list of people who're up for a fight is as follows
-me
-frog
-glitch
-phoenix
-spades
-crow
-joker
-magpie
-falcon
-vampire ren
-briar
-renée
-hasegawa
-suou
-raven
-wild
-karasu
-amada
as well as the other amada, who is on another level than the rest of us
to stay on the list, train with not-psycho amada and work on defensively-oriented strats. once amada is ready to train, we'll set up a schedule
WHAT WE NEED RN (besides training + collecting items)
input on the ideas. we have a lot of "maybe it'll work"s and no "this will definitely work"s, so we need to decide on which maybes to try first and which to hold off on as a plan B, plan C, etc
to add/correct/remove ideas or volunteer/unvolunteer, reply to this post. if u wanna talk to me in person, i'll be taking care of leblanc for the next several days while frog goes on a research binge. after that, go to leblanc anyway and if i'm not already there, frog will summon me
the situation is shitty, but i don't think anyone here wants to sit around and let someone threaten our lives. if nothing else, amada seems like the kind of guy who would fuck up a little kid if they got in his way, and we have little akira and little goro wandering around. we've come together for less, some of us have killed gods, so we can come together and get rid of this threat now
1/2
His expression softened for a moment, though the guarded glint in his eyes remained, as if he were calculating something even as he spoke. He crossed his arms, leaning back with a thoughtful hum. "Still, I respect your honesty. It’s... grounding, in a way."
2/2
It felt wrong, even to someone as resigned as Maruki. But maybe that’s why it had to be him.
"If you’re asking if I can defend myself, the answer is yes." His voice carried that same measured calm, the faintest edge of resignation softening its cadence. "My persona—what’s left of it—is more than just a symbol. It’s my foundation, my foothold in this fight. As long as I have that, I’ll manage. But if you’re looking for finesse or strategy, I’d suggest a bit of guidance. Maybe your combat team has something useful in that regard?"
He glanced down, his fingers brushing the edge of his coat pocket as if debating something. "As for Amada-kun..." His voice dipped, quieter now, tinged with a melancholy that betrayed his facade. "It’s cruel, isn’t it? To exploit what makes him vulnerable. A necessity, perhaps, but still cruel."
Maruki straightened, the faint flicker of his smirk returning, though this time it was heavier with irony. "I suppose that makes me the perfect candidate for the job. In everyone's eyes."
no subject
"You said it, not me." But he's not going to tell Maruki he's wrong about his suitability. "And, like... yeah, the whole thing is fucked up. Killing a kid is fucked up. But Amada posted that whole thing about how he'll kill anyone who crosses him, and he backed it up. Then he broke Dove's arm—one of the most harmless people in this whole damn place. It would be even more twisted to let him wander around hurting everyone because we're too busy crying about how young he is, and how mean we are."
no subject
He exhaled softly, his mind drawing back to Drake’s words. They lingered like smoke, acrid and heavy. His voice, when it came, was quiet and deliberate. “My first day here,” he began, his tone carrying a faint clinical detachment, “I ran into someone. Ren. At first, I didn’t understand what I had done to provoke him. But when I saw the look in his eyes... it was like something had broken inside of him. I’d seen that before.”
Rumi.
Like the horror flashing in her eyes.
Maruki paused, his gaze dropping to his hand again as if trying to summon the memory of that pain, to feel its edges sharpen. “It wasn’t just fear. It was something deeper—raw, unprocessed anguish. One that retaliated in ways I couldn't comprehend. Something about me had pulled it to the surface. Maybe it was my words. Maybe my presence alone was enough. Whatever it was, it mirrored something I had...” His voice wavered for a moment, then steadied. “...seen before.”
He shifted, looking back at Drake, his eyes sharp with reluctancy. “I realized then that almost everyone here is carrying that weight. The weight of a killer, or the weight of someone forced into survival so deeply that killing becomes second nature. And for a while, I truly believed I could die here. Until the post of Falcon's unfortunate demise made me reconsider.”
A bitter chuckle escaped him, low and humorless. “No, I’m not here to cry over Amada-kun’s circumstances. I understand your perspective—and his. He’s dangerous. That’s undeniable. And this place...” He gestured vaguely to the room around them, his finger now tracing the edge of the table's rim. “This place twists people. Punishes them. Forces them to relive their sins in ways they don’t even understand.”
He straightened, crossing his arms loosely, his face unreadable. “I won’t pretend that I’m above it. I’m worse now than I was when I came here. Every hostile encounter, every dismissal, every reminder of who I am or who I was supposed to be—it wears you down.”
Maruki’s voice dropped, soft yet unyielding. “If I don’t intervene, and Amada-kun wins... well, we’re all in trouble. And if he loses—” He gave a faint, sardonic smile. “—he’ll hate me, and I’ll be even more of a target than I already am so I can't have either of us exist on the same plane. That doesn't even count whether he specifically hates my ideals. Either way, I’m standing on a tightrope, and there’s no net below.”
He fell silent for a moment, as though letting the weight of his own words settle in the room. Then, almost as an afterthought, he spoke again, quieter now. “I’ve chosen the lesser of two evils. I’ll approach it the only way I know how—from an academic perspective. Trauma. Pain. The paths they carve into a person’s future. That’s the only way I can make sense of this... madness.”
no subject
He leans over the counter. "And for the record, dude. You could solve most of your problems if you stopped looking at every fucking thing from an 'academic perspective'. I'll tell you that for free. People back home wish I'd give them a deal that good."
no subject
When the words finally wound down, Maruki let the silence linger, as though giving it space to settle.
“Well,” he said softly, almost to himself, “I wouldn’t say any choice can be entirely wrong. Misguided, possibly. Horrifying, sure. But...wrong?” He tilted his head slightly. “I had a moment with Sparrow’s shadow in the depths of mementos, you know. Even if they are from a different difference, I... saw that. Almost got myself eaten, too. I think. I am not too sure.” He offered a wry smile, though it barely reached his eyes. “Rough day.”
For a moment, Maruki looked as though he might elaborate, but instead, he folded his hands neatly in front of him and said no more. His focus shifted, his expression softening with thoughtfulness as he mulled over Drake’s last words and his seriousness over the counter. Then, slowly, a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. It wasn’t mocking, but there was a flicker of amused self-awareness in it.
“Then what, exactly?” He leaned back in his chair, one hand rubbing at his chin in mock contemplation. “Should I start stabbing my way through every problem? Reawaken to a brand-new self in a blaze of... what? Fury? Glory?” His smirk deepened briefly, but his eyes remained serious, almost distant.
His tone dropped, quieter but not without a certain weight. “You know, after everything that happened—after Ru-" he stops and takes a deep breath. "After I got these powers—I... thought about it. Just for a moment.” He hesitated, his fingers brushing the table's edge.
What if I used my powers on the robbers? Made them regret what they did? Hear them scream for the lives they have ruined and destroyed like Rumi's?
Maruki’s voice softened even further, a faint, bittersweet chuckle escaping him. “But then I didn’t. Because that’s not who I am. I’m not a brainwashing maniac. I’m not a willful god. I’m... just a cognitive presearcher. My entire life has been about observing, articulating, and concluding. Even my powers—this Actualization—it’s... unfair, but it’s also not absolute. Cognition is never wholly right, nor wholly wrong. It’s just...” He searched for the right word, then smiled faintly. “It’s Schrodinger’s problem. It’s the way our brains fix our inverted image, making the world coherent to us, whether or not it’s accurate.”
He exhaled, sitting up straighter. “It’s the only answer I know how to trust. Even if it isn’t the answer you’d pick.”
Maruki gave a small shrug, “Still, I’ll admit... I appreciate the advice. Free, no less. I can only imagine what you’ve been through to offer that kind of wisdom.” His smirk softened into a more genuine, sheepish smile. “I’d offer you a consultation fee if I thought you’d take it. Or money was of any worth.”
no subject
Ren's attitude isn't currently hostile, which is, somehow, an improvement on how he was when he and Maruki first started talking. But it would be a mistake to think his opinion of the guy is much improved. His tone isn't angry so much as brusque, matter-of-fact. "You said yourself you're falling apart. If your mindset can't support everything you're seeing, maybe stop moping about it and try something else. This place sucked for me too until I got over myself."
He only says that because his Palace is pretty much public knowledge at this point.
no subject
A calling card, crisp and deliberate, slid across a table. The defiant glint in Akira Kurusu’s eyes burned just as fiercely as the one now staring back at him.
Maruki exhaled softly, leaning back in his chair as his expression shifted to something quieter, almost weary.
no subject
Sliding his glasses back into place, Maruki straightened, letting a faint, thoughtful smile cross his lips. "That fire in your eyes... it’s very familiar." He paused- pinching a thumb and index together as he imagined a cloth. A similar cloth from which drew two souls. Vast experiences but-
"...I don't want to make the mistakes other Marukis have made. The one who affected Phoenix, that is me." He purses his lips together, his jaw tightened. "And if it helps, my power is far more localized. I have come to terms with the potential I hold and while, my words make it seem like I am in purgatory which could be still true but I will gain perspective. Every new angle solidifies my belief in cognition as our next breakthrough and I want to make use of that knowledge in every way I can."
no subject
"When you say ours. Whose breakthrough?"
no subject
The light caught on his glasses as he tilted his head slightly, obscuring his eyes for a moment. Then he finally looked at Ren, his gaze steady but almost clinical, like a man studying a puzzle he was already tired of solving.
“Who do you think I’m talking about?” he asked, his voice measured but laced with a subtle bite. The warmth that usually accompanied his words was absent, leaving only a hollow professionalism.
His tone wasn’t accusatory—it was indifferent, and somehow, that made it worse.
He let the question hang in the air for a moment, his eyes never leaving Ren’s. Then, slowly, his lips curled into a faint smirk, but there was no humor in it.
no subject
Azathoth screeches in his ears, its existence clawing within the walls of his pysche.
He flinches- looking away. "But no I meant in terms of other Marukis. I feel responsible for how they affected the residents here and whatever I learn, well- I can only hope it gives a new perspective to all of mes from other universes."
no subject
Also, how the fuck is Maruki going to give perspective to other Marukis across the multiverse? That's... ominous. Reminiscent of evil Amada, in a way.
"Yeah, it's pretty fucked up what the version of you back home did to my Goro," he says. As far as he knows, what he's referring to is something that most Marukis do; it's pointless to keep it close to his chest when everyone already knows. "Acting like his mentor to squeeze him for info about the Metaverse. If you could give him a little kick in the ass, I'd appreciate it."
1/2
That shift in Drake's posture, the sharpness in his gaze—subtle, but enough for someone like him to notice. The gears were turning in the boy’s head, a quiet whirl of analysis and suspicion. And beneath it, that faint ripple of negative emotion. A hint of mistrust, maybe even resentment, brushed against Maruki’s senses like a cold wind.
He hated it.
He hated that he could feel it at all. This ability of his—whatever it was—never let him look away from the cracks in people’s hearts. It made everything feel heavier. But what he hated more was the one-dimensional judgment in Drake’s eyes, the assumption that whatever help he had to offer must come with strings attached.
The boy’s next words only confirmed it.
2/2
For a moment, Maruki was silent, his hand tightening slightly against the edge of the table. He inhaled deeply, forcing the irritation that bubbled up to settle. When he finally spoke, his voice was calm and measured, but there was a distinct annoyance and edge to it— one that he griped a few minutes ago.
"First of all, I don’t pretend," Maruki began- spitting that word, meeting Drake’s gaze with a steady intensity. "I don’t know exactly how the Maruki you’re talking about approached that situation, but if he gave him mental advice, I guarantee you it wasn’t baseless. I have a doctorate in psychology, Drake. My methods, my guidance—it’s all rooted in research and my hardwork. You can insult me all you like, but don’t insult my work, especially if you don’t fully understand it."
There was a pause, Maruki’s expression softening, but only slightly. He wanted to go even further, wanting to push about this Drake and Goro’s magnanimous relationship that while he's sure isn't truly based on ill-will, is still very unusual.
How does he know that?Just like how he asked his patient insight on whether or not a place that could have potentially helped his research exist."In my world, I saw Akira-kun and the others disappear into another world right before my eyes and nearlt right in front of the school entrance-! Do you really not think I wouldn't question that place?"
Maruki leaned back slightly, exhaling as he adjusted his glasses. "And let me clarify something else: what I said earlier about giving other Marukis perspective? I meant that metaphorically." He can't have them get suspicious of him. Not with the emotions he's releasing. "I can’t tamper with other dimensions or influence other versions of myself." Why would he stay here if he could do that? "So no- I can't, as you quote, give him a little kick in the ass."
nsfw
"Oh, you have a doctorate in psychology. Real impressive. You're right, someone like me could never even read the papers you write. What you did to Yoshizawa is fucking sick, but it must be that I'm just too fucking stupid to see into the ivory tower where you and your friends jack off over your come-crusted degrees."
1/2
“I—I wasn’t…” he started weakly, his voice cracking. “I wasn’t calling you…” He trailed off, his words faltering.
Damn you, Phoenix.
He stopped himself with a frustrated huff, his hands twitching as if they couldn’t decide whether to gesture wildly or stay clenched into fists. His glasses slid down his nose, but he made no move to fix them.
For a few seconds, it seemed like he might say something cutting—or perhaps launch into another impassioned defense of his credentials—but then he slumped forward, his elbows hitting the table with a dull thud. He ran both hands through his hair, pulling at it slightly as he let out a long, wheezy sigh that sounded like it carried years of pent-up frustration.
He looked as though he wanted to disappear on the spot.
He exhaled heavily, his voice muffled by his palms. "Okay. Okay, I need to say something, and I want to be very honest about it."
2/2
"But you? You’re in a league of your own." He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, his grin sharpening into something almost amused. Or perhaps even something as respect that would tuck itself in a blade to stab right through. "I think this is the first time I’ve genuinely hated talking to someone. Very impressive."
no subject
After a moment, he concludes, "That's the best thing anyone's ever said to me."
no subject
"I think you’ve managed to make me question every career choice I’ve ever made- which I am assuming will be the second-best thing anyone's ever said to you," he deadpans as he desperately tries to keep himself stable. He shook his head, his tone flattening and ending with a mix of disbelief and irritation. "Unbelievable. Of all the things I expected to deal with today, being verbally dismembered by someone with the emotional subtlety of a wrecking ball was not on the list."
Clearing his throat sharply, he straightened in his seat and folded his hands together, fixing Drake with a more measured gaze. "Alright. Since it’s become painfully clear that we’re both going to be about as stubborn as humanly possible, I’m going to suggest something radical."
Maruki raised a single finger, his tone shifting into something oddly cordial despite the tension or the bitterness under his usually cheery tone. "Let’s aim for tolerance. Not understanding. Not agreement. Just tolerance. And for that to happen, I need you to do one very simple thing." He leaned forward, his voice lowering ever so slightly.
"Hear me out. No cutting remarks. No theatrics. Just... listen. Because believe it or not, I didn’t come here to argue with you, Drake. And as entertaining as this back-and-forth has been, I’d like to at least pretend we can get something productive out of it."
He paused, tilting his head as he watched Drake carefully. "Fair?"
nsfw again T_T
"No, actually," he says brightly. "You can take your condescending superiority and shove it right up your ass. But make sure it has a flared base, 'cause you'll need to take it out again to talk." The smile drops. "Have you ever looked at someone and not seen them as beneath you? In your entire life? Or is it just because I don't lick your boots? Fuck, dude."
no subject
But he didn’t move.
Instead, his gaze dropped to the table, his hands clenching tightly as he tried to steady himself. No. That’s not who I am. That’s not who I want to be. His frustration began to shift, not toward Drake, but inward, coiling deep within his own chest.
"Have I ever seen someone as beneath me?" he finally muttered, the words slow and deliberate, as if testing them in his own mouth. He shook his head, almost in disbelief, his voice gaining strength. "No. That’s...that can't be true." His eyes flicked back up to Drake,anger replaced by something else instead- vulnerability. "I don’t see you—or anyone else here—as beneath me. You are leading a team against such a magnaminous threat- its nothing I could do."
2/2
Maruki paused, exhaling deeply as his fingers loosened their grip on the table. He folded his hands together, staring down at them as his voice grew quieter. "What I said earlier was out of line. I let my anger get the better of me, and for that, I’m sorry. Truly. Not just for my words, but for... everything." His gaze stayed fixed on his hands, his voice heavy with regret. "I know I’ve caused pain. I’ve seen the suffering that’s come from my choices, and I can’t undo that. I want to undo it but not if its against any of your wishes. However if there’s even a small chance I can help—if there’s even the slightest chance that I can make amends—then I want to try."
He stopped again, his head lowering further. His shoulders hunched slightly, and his voice trembled as he admitted, "I’m tired, Drake. Of all of this. The debates, the back-and-forth, the endless cycle of trying to defend myself to people who’ll never believe me." He let out a hollow laugh, shaking his head. "I wish I had a recording of my reality, some...proof to finally know the truth. This gaping memory- Because all of this, all of you... it’s making me question everything. Or did the phantom thieves do something to me-? I can't, I don't know. I will never know."
He cut himself off sharply, his hands tightening together as Azathoth’s voice slithered through his mind like a viper.
Maruki’s breath hitched, and he clenched his teeth, shaking his head against the weight of the accusation. He inhaled deeply, forcing himself to straighten and meet Drake’s gaze once more, even if his eyes betrayed the cracks forming beneath the surface.
"I’m not asking for forgiveness. I don’t expect it. But... I want to help. Not because I think I’m better than you. Not because I think I know more. But because I still believe it’s worth trying, even if you think I don’t deserve that chance."
no subject
"Then stop crying into your handkerchief and do it, dude. I haven't said you can't help, I've just told you to lose the condescending attitude. Nothing's stopping you except the fact that the second someone says maybe you were a dick, you collapse into a self-pitying blob."
no subject
His fingers curled against his lap, his breath shallow. Drake’s words rang in his ears, the bluntness of them hammering against the fragile walls he had spent years constructing around himself. Self-pitying blob.
Was that what it looked like?
"...Do I really look that bad?" he asked, his voice smaller than he intended. There was a ghost of humor in it, barely there. He let out a weak chuckle, but it sounded just as fragile as he felt.
A sigh slipped from his lips as he rubbed at his temple. "Yeah. I don’t know why I’m laughing."
He pressed his palms to the table as he prepares to get up, closing his eyes for a moment as Azathoth stirred in the depths of his mind, slithering, whispering. The words were indecipherable, but the feeling was clear. Disappointment. Disgust.
Maruki exhaled sharply and shook his head, forcing his eyes open again. He looked... tired.
"I just need a glass of water," he murmured. "Nothing much."
He stood so quickly it was as if his seat had burst into flames, the force of his movement sending the stool toppling over with a loud clatter.
Maruki winced.
For a split second, he felt Azathoth move—an instinct, a twitch in his mind, as if reaching out to fix the fallen stool before he could even think about it. But he forced it back. No.
Instead, he crouched down himself, fingers trembling as he set the bar stool upright again. The sight of his own unsteady hands only made his stomach churn further.
With an awkward, stiff motion, he straightened, adjusting his glasses before quickly making his way to the other side of the café, away from Drake, away from that goddamn conversation.
"Uh—" He cleared his throat. "Can I use one of your glasses, or...?" His voice was unsteady, hovering somewhere.
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