personavelvetroomdr | (no subject)

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[It's a perfectly ordinary day in Tokyo, if you ignore the fact that Akechi just got done enduring a horrific, white palace with crumbling architecture, creepy tentacles everywhere, and scraps of memory locked away and scattered like puzzle pieces, culminating in battling a tentacled abomination to free Wakaba Isshiki's Shadow from the prison of her mind, and... well. A mother-daughter reunion is always nice, he supposes.

He's on the phone when he stumbles in, deep in the midst of a conversation.]

Isshiki-san's condition is stable, but we'll have to relocate her before he notices anything amiss. ...Yes, Dad, I'm all right. Not that I don't appreciate the concern, but-

[The signal cuts out, and... ah. The Velvet Room. And not the Velvet Room of his childhood, but... this one.

At first he bristles, eyes narrowed into a razor-sharp glare. He has half a mind to complain to Igor about locking him out, but all signs point to Ren's "Igor" being impostor, and... no. Wait.

Recollection flashes before him. With that recollection, he grimaces.]

...Of course I'd end up back here.

[He shuts his eyes, brings a hand to his face, and breathes in deeply. He was such a stupid tween, and if people connect him to said tween... Who even knows how much time has passed here?]

[ooc: Older version of

fogboundcrow for the funny. Some info on his profile. Yes, he's wearing a Shujin uniform.]

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[ Ren is quiet, partly because Akechi's confession is still echoing in his head, and partly because he remembers baby Akechi insisting that Nanako was one of the only people he needed. His eyes narrow with sympathy.

(But was Akechi lying? Why the hell would he lie about that? Ren's as sure as he can be that he hasn't given himself away. And even if he has, why would Akechi's response be to lie about a murder attempt of his own?) ]

...We nearly tried to shove Namatame into the TV, believing he was the true culprit. Then we remembered what he had said in the TV world. That it was a misunderstanding. That the detective pushed him in. That all he wanted was to "save" people...

[He takes a breath. This part is... good and bad. Funny how that happens.]

Soon after we spared Namatame, Nanako returned to life. She was weak... only cognizant for a moment, but it didn't matter to me.

She still could have died. I knew exactly who put her through that. We all confronted Adachi, but when he ran, I followed, determined to end him.

...That does sound like something your kid self would do.

[ Ren doesn't mean that as a compliment, either. Adachi was a known murderer, and Akechi was a baby. Sure, Baby Akechi thinks he's tough, and he maybe has more grit than your average preteen, but Ren still doesn't like the idea of him chasing after a killer. ]

In his defense, he had a powerful arsenal of Personas by then... but yes. It was stupid. And I nearly got a bullet through my skull for my efforts, had I not awakened Loki in that moment.

[Ah... Loki. The way he says that name, there's an air of... discomfort. Conflict. Loki is a lot of things. Not all of them pleasant.]

[ Ren is a little more on guard now, and doesn't let his expression slip. But he's silent for a brief moment as Akechi's words sink in. Had I not awakened Loki in that moment. A second, murderous awakening? Is Akechi fucking with him? Is he trying to make some kind of point, without saying it aloud...?

But he couldn't know that happened to Ren. Ren hasn't told anyone. He only told that one Akira that he awakened twice, not the circumstances. And there are weird parallels between people from different worlds... Ren is probably just being paranoid. Yeah. ]

A second awakening? Is that part of your wildcard thing?

[ It obviously isn't, since it happened to Ren. But it seems like a conclusion someone might come to without that knowledge. ]

Hmm... well, that depends. Our teammates all awakened to second and even third stages of their Personas, but Loki is separate from Robin Hood.

[He brings a hand over his heart, his posture stooped rather than perfectly straight.]

I think... perhaps Loki had been with me all along, but it wasn't until Adachi nearly killed me that he burst forth. His power was unlike anything I had felt. It was as if the chains holding my anger in place had abruptly shattered into pieces...

[It was equal parts liberating and terrifying. Maddening and intoxicating. Horrific and exhilarating...

And he wasn't proud of it in the aftermath.]

[ Sounds like Adachi did Akechi a favor, then. But Ren has a strong feeling that sentiment won't be welcome, and studying Akechi's hunched posture only reinforces it. ]

You don't like it? That that happened, I mean.

Ah, now that's the real question, isn't it?

[Hmm... How does he truly feel? It's a twisted, tangled up mess, to be sure.]

I admit. Loki's power was rather helpful when we confronted Adachi and the demigod that used his body as a vessel. So I used him. But I had come a long way since I started my journey. Where before I accepted my pent up rage as a comfortable cloak, by the time I stood against that wall, staring down the barrel of a gun, it was an afterthought...

Until it wasn't.

[ He tilts his head, considering this. ]

So you'd, like... reversed? From the little Akechi here who's chained up his better nature?

[ His own second awakening wasn't really like that. But maybe Akechi's was. ]

I suppose so. What used to be both sword and shield became secondary to finding strength in those around me and my desire to fight on their behalf.

[Heh... Funny how that turns out.]

It wasn't as though I stopped being angry, but my anger became more righteous and less self-serving. As I became happier, my negative feelings slipped into the background until they exploded back to the forefront when I'd thought Nanako had died.

[She didn't. That's what matters, but to a young boy for whom she was one of his first true signs of hope... It was devastating.]

That must've been scary. I don't just mean the Nanako and Adachi stuff. The awakening too, if it was an... eruption of bad feelings.

[ He nudges the last of his sushi in Akechi's direction. He doesn't really think even more sushi will cheer Akechi up, but he's a little short of options. ]

Oh, thank you.

[He'll accept the extra sushi. It's a kind gesture, after all.]

But yes. Especially as a thirteen year old... everything felt so extreme. In the moment, my surroundings were a haze. All I could think about was tearing him to pieces and surviving.

There's nothing wrong with survival. But you know that already. [ Akechi basically said it earlier. There are times when it's necessary to take drastic measures for one's safety. Ren knows that too, as well as anyone and better than most people.

He fiddles with his chopsticks. ] I think it's just like that sometimes. You have to fuck yourself up. [ He doesn't think he's revealing much by saying this, because he thinks it is just like that sometimes, inescapably. Just a fact of life. ]

Heh. Like when you stabbed the orphanage director?

[That's the closest comparison he can think of, and it even brings a wry smirk to his face.]

Yeah, man. It was messed up.

[ Compared to later events, it barely registers. But at the time, no matter how defiant or relieved or grimly triumphant he felt, he still also had to deal with the memory of what it was like to stab a human. ]

...I can imagine it wasn't pleasant to deal with the aftermath, even if he did deserve it.

[Just as it was unpleasant to be so thoroughly consumed by his pent up rage, screaming and cackling and being so feral until Yu and Dojima calmed him down.

So how would the Phantom Thieves even take it? If they saw their noble, princely leader drenched in black...]

[ Akechi has no fucking idea. But the full truth of that skirts close to things Ren doesn't want to talk about.

He studies Akechi's expression. ] The Loki thing really gets to you, huh? Is it just the bad memory?

[Sudden subject change... Hm. That earns a curious quirked brow.]

Hmm... You know, if you wish to vent, you're more than welcome to. I've certainly talked your ear off.

[ Ren's eyes widen; for a split second he seems almost frozen, caught out in something. Then he smiles, so easily you could forget that just a second ago, he was terrified by the concept of venting. ]

I don't mind listening. Believe me, if I minded, I'd let you know.

It's not that I think you mind. All I'm saying is that if you had anything to get off your chest, it's only fair.

[But he shrugs. It's ultimately Ren's choice, and if he'd rather Akechi continue, that's just as well.

Somewhat. It is a bit worrying.]

[ He gives Akechi a strange, bemused smile. ]

You're a weird guy. No one's ever told me that before except my Akechi back home. [ His chest feels funny. ]

Ha. I understand that. It wasn't really until I met Kanji that I began to find people who gave a shit.

[It's relatable... and funny, to be honest.]

But the way I see it, someone has to at one point or another, or you'll be stuck in your own thoughts. And I know how maddening that is.

[ That still doesn't mean people offer, Ren almost says. That just means I'm stuck in their own thoughts. But he keeps his mouth closed on that. He misses his own Akechi so much it fills his limbs with lead. But he can't say that either, because if he does, he might not stop. First it's I miss Akechi, next it's And I have to kill him when I get home.

When he finally speaks, it's more to turn his thoughts away from explosive confessions than for any other reason. That's what he tells himself, anyway. ]

You know Kamoshida? Did he have a Palace in your world? [ Not that Ren ever went in his Palace or even met the guy, but he's heard about him. ]

Of course he did. I even had the "luxury" of being dragged into it by Morgana the same day I met my world's version of Ren.

[He wheezes out a dry little chuckle, though there's a subtle shift in his posture. A slight tension in the shoulders. A subtle curve of the spine.]

[ Ren fiddles with his chopsticks again, staring at the wall. ] The guy I stabbed was like that. But he was bright enough to think of being an orphanage director instead of just a teacher.