ren amamiya (au) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
willowandoak) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
personavelvetroomdr2024-06-01 06:38 pm
willowandoak) wrote in personavelvetroomdr2024-06-01 06:38 pm
Entry tags:
my montage of lost things, my shining trinkets of grief
((cw: hallucinations, panic, the general poor mental state of someone with a Palace))
Ren is not exactly at his most presentable. Like, yeah, he's clean and dressed, but that's about all you can say for him. His hair is a snarl of tangles, his skin is unhealthily pale, he holds himself rigidly, and the shadows under his eyes are so dark that it looks like they might never leave. And he knows he looks bad, but by now he's beyond caring. With everything that's happening to him, someone judging his hair is the least of his fucking concerns.
He doesn't usually like to go out, these days. A lot can happen when he's out of his apartment. Too many things he can't control, and too many places that remind him of home, which lately is to be avoided at all costs. But his apartment isn't much better. There's nowhere he can look where he hasn't seen Shido, or Akechi, or Shido and Akechi, or his parents or his orphanage directors or fuck knows who else. There's nowhere he can sit where he hasn't heard their voices. And when he's not hallucinating, he's alone with his thoughts, which is worse.
All that is to say, there was a whole thing earlier where he felt like he couldn't breathe, and it sucked, but it's over now! He's fine. Still, it made him want to get out of his apartment. So here he is, out in Shibuya. And outside has turned out to be as vertiginous and full of danger as he was afraid of, but, well. At least it's different.
1. all the things that i ran from i now bring as close to me as i can
He stands with his back to the wall of a storefront and searches the constant stream of passing cognitions. His expression is fraught. He knows he hasn't really been seeing people from his past, he's not stupid, but the idea of being blindsided by a hallucinatory Shido or orphanage director amidst the crowd is terrifying enough to keep him rooted in place, watching endlessly.
2. gripping hotel sheets with gritted teeth
He's finally escaped the crowds. Curled up on the grimy concrete in a Shibuya alleyway, his knees to his chest and his back once again pressed to the wall, he tries to calm down. Akechi made him breathe, that time when he freaked out in his Palace. He tries to match the rhythm he remembers, but it just makes him think about the Palace, so he abandons that plan almost at once and goes back to waiting out the terror. He'll be fine if he just grits his teeth and endures it. That... usually works, anyway.
Ren is not exactly at his most presentable. Like, yeah, he's clean and dressed, but that's about all you can say for him. His hair is a snarl of tangles, his skin is unhealthily pale, he holds himself rigidly, and the shadows under his eyes are so dark that it looks like they might never leave. And he knows he looks bad, but by now he's beyond caring. With everything that's happening to him, someone judging his hair is the least of his fucking concerns.
He doesn't usually like to go out, these days. A lot can happen when he's out of his apartment. Too many things he can't control, and too many places that remind him of home, which lately is to be avoided at all costs. But his apartment isn't much better. There's nowhere he can look where he hasn't seen Shido, or Akechi, or Shido and Akechi, or his parents or his orphanage directors or fuck knows who else. There's nowhere he can sit where he hasn't heard their voices. And when he's not hallucinating, he's alone with his thoughts, which is worse.
All that is to say, there was a whole thing earlier where he felt like he couldn't breathe, and it sucked, but it's over now! He's fine. Still, it made him want to get out of his apartment. So here he is, out in Shibuya. And outside has turned out to be as vertiginous and full of danger as he was afraid of, but, well. At least it's different.
1. all the things that i ran from i now bring as close to me as i can
He stands with his back to the wall of a storefront and searches the constant stream of passing cognitions. His expression is fraught. He knows he hasn't really been seeing people from his past, he's not stupid, but the idea of being blindsided by a hallucinatory Shido or orphanage director amidst the crowd is terrifying enough to keep him rooted in place, watching endlessly.
2. gripping hotel sheets with gritted teeth
He's finally escaped the crowds. Curled up on the grimy concrete in a Shibuya alleyway, his knees to his chest and his back once again pressed to the wall, he tries to calm down. Akechi made him breathe, that time when he freaked out in his Palace. He tries to match the rhythm he remembers, but it just makes him think about the Palace, so he abandons that plan almost at once and goes back to waiting out the terror. He'll be fine if he just grits his teeth and endures it. That... usually works, anyway.
no subject
no subject
They're not. He'd know.
no subject
The kids wander down the alley between them, hand in hand, not even looking at him. Little Magpie whispers something too low to hear, and Raven giggles. Ren watches them go. He hurts, deep in his chest, like someone's scooped out what used to be there and left a raw hole behind.
"I'll be honest, dude, I don't think I can fight. It'll be more of a one-sided beatdown."
no subject
no subject
no subject
He bites his tongue, paling. You look like my mother.
no subject
no subject
Why won't he say something? He was quick enough that first time, and Magpie can't—well, he can keep a grudge going forever, frankly, unilaterally and without disarming. He is the crowned king of grudges. If it wasn't for Igor....
With a hiss, he pulls out his phone, and starts swiping to the keypad. None of this is anything to do with him.
no subject
"What are you doing now?"
no subject
Ridiculous name that it is.
no subject
no subject
He swipes up and down a little more, not looking up; he sounds bored.
no subject
He's more bewildered by this turn of events than anything else—and also, the question lets him sidestep the fact that he doesn't know what he'll do.
no subject
Adding that last brightly, he gives his phone a sharp tap and holds it to his ear. Ren might just glimpse the call screen, with its red and green buttons.
no subject
So instead he has to sit here and watch someone make decisions about him that he hates, and do nothing. Like he's been doing for weeks; like he wanted so badly to escape from, at home, only to find himself right back in the same spot again. A light dies behind his eyes as he watches in silence.
no subject
no subject
What? This is close to the only time Magpie has ever called Crow's Ren. But there's a strange timbre to his voice, not a hostage warning but also something Joker will certainly pick up on.
no subject
no subject
"It's not the one with meringue, is it? That was supposed to be a 2015 limited edition." Don't mind him, other Ren. "No, there's really no problem. I'll explain later, as much as I can. If I can."
Again, he turns something of a glare on the Ren in the gutter.
no subject
no subject
"At this point, I don't know why I don't fetch one of those dreadful peacock microwave meals from there. Perhaps that would move you."
no subject
1/2
2/2
"I suppose I had that coming. Still, you know it's not true. Shido would have had you taken out and shot by now." He drops the smile, looking a lot more like his father all at once. "Do you know how often I tried to get Crow to agree you were a piece of shit?"
no subject
He still just sounds exhausted.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)