[EVENT] Memory Tapes

[vrdr_mods]

On the morning of November 21st, denizens in the Velvet Room will awake to a message on their phones or by their bedsides in an envelope. Perhaps even on their computer screens.

Greetings! If you've received this message, then you've been selected as a participant in a new activity to strengthen bonds within this community.

In order to facilitate connections with your fellow residents, we advise you to watch this video. Watch it and return the tape to its rightful owner. If you lacked the means to watch VHS tapes before, we have provided you with the necessary equipment.

Failure to do so may put your own memories at risk. Do not be selfish, lest you find yourself struggling to recall crucial moments of your life. You have no way of knowing which memories have been shared, so ask yourself if it is worth the risk to selfishly hoard another's secrets.

They will soon find a VHS tape, with a case that gives off a soft, blue glow to symbolize its importance. If they lack a TV or VCR, they will find one in their living space.

What they do is up to them, but they should heed the warning, if they value their own memories.


[For links to characters' memories, please see this post in the OOC comm. Have fun!]

Comments

[lakebrat]

Goro's knuckles turn white for a moment, as he considers and calculates; as, in truth, he pulls together a decision he made half an hour ago. "We don't have to watch it. Like you say, this is stupid. We already know what you said."

Of course, they don't know what Shido said, the second half of the conversation. That would be useful to know. And Goro has lost little of his fascination with his father. But, in the end, it's unnecessary.

He knows Ren didn't offer the same.

[willowandoak]

"Don't do that. Of course we have to fucking watch it."

The ugly truth is that this is video footage of him planning Goro's murder. It would be beyond fucked up to ask Goro to sacrifice his memories to protect Ren from unforeseen consequences of the plot to murder him. No matter how much Ren feels like he's going to throw up, or step outside his own body, or scream.

[lakebrat]

Goro squeezes his hand. "You don't have to watch it," he quietly reminds Ren. "Only I do. There's no way you got a tape for yourself."

But he knows Ren. He won't walk away, any more than Goro did. They're in this for the long haul.

[willowandoak]

"I'm not running away from my own damn memory," he snaps. The next second, guilt crashes down on him like a wave. "...Sorry."

[lakebrat]

But after a moment's silence, Goro squeezes Ren's hand again. "It's okay," he murmurs quietly, face darkening as he continues. "This is Igor's fault, not yours. I'd demand answers, if I thought he'd give them."

He glances to the blue screen, bathing them both in its cold light.

[willowandoak]

The silent seconds before Goro responds are awful. Ren barely manages not to cringe. The forgiveness helps a little, but he still kind of wishes he was dead. It's not like he's going to bring it up, though. "Someday I'll figure out how to make him bleed," he says instead, grimly, as he lets go of Goro's hand for long enough to head over to the VCR and push play.

Shido's voice greets them again, and this time he doesn't win the battle: As he sits down, he cringes, curling in on himself a bit like he expects a physical blow. His gaze flickers back and forth between the TV and literally anywhere else except Goro.

[lakebrat]

And Goro places himself not beside Ren, on the bed, but behind him. His arms go around him, and his legs, and he presses his whole body against Ren's cringing back. He wraps himself around Ren like a blanket, like he did back when Ren had his Palace, and still does now just because they can. And they watch the tape together.

I thought you'd learned better than this, Amamiya. The words fill him with a sullen rage. Talk about making someone bleed. Goro has the aim, now, to put a bullet right in Shido's eye. As for the next stage....

That's what he is, to the man who spawned him. The next stage. A target for his own amusement. A bauble for the press. And he can hear the silent plea beneath Ren's terror, as he babbles out that panicked reply. Please don't hurt him.

No matter what happens now, and after this, Ren will never be alone again. He swears it. He rocks Ren gently in his arms, ever so gently, just enough to not be insulting.

But he can't find words. Not a terrible idea. "Piece of shit," he murmurs, voice thinner than he means it to be.

[willowandoak]

Ren can't reply. His throat is tight, and even if it wasn't, what could he say? He can barely even think around all of his shame.

He doesn't know if he can ever look Goro in the eyes again. He doesn't know how Goro can stand to touch him. Shido's voice rings in his ears. He's trembling, he realizes dimly, but he can't bring himself to care.

[lakebrat]

The two of them continue to rock together. Goro rests his head against the back of Ren's neck. He strokes the front of Ren's shoulders with his crossed hands, and he hates. Dimly, wrapped up in his own history and that of others now, he hates.

Eventually, he murmurs something that may not be what Ren expects. "You tried to save me. As best you could, I mean."

[willowandoak]

A choked laugh tears free of Ren's throat. "You're crazy."

[lakebrat]

"Hey. Don't give me that shit." It's hollow, but gentle all the same. He stretches his arms and legs around Ren, drawing himself closer.

"You were afraid of what he might do, if you hesitated. If you didn't give him what he wanted." Like the picture in the Palace. The one Ren can't remember; the one Goro didn't see. Only its effects.

mild self-harm

[willowandoak]

"That's not... I could've, if only I hadn't been so..." He digs his fingernails into his forearms, frustrated. "How the fuck did you go from trying to kill you faster to trying to save you?"

[lakebrat]

"Isn't that what it was?" He reaches down, covering Ren's hands with his own in a gentle but unyielding grip. "I'm not saying I would have gone quietly. I could say you should have died rather than kill me, sure. But what were we to each other, really, back then?"

Not friends, for sure, and not rivals. Not chessmates, either. Go partners, perhaps, both drawn together and yet fighting for every inch of territory.

"It was going to be you or me. And you at least would make it clean. I know that. Shido, though?" Revulsion enters his voice. "He would have peeled my skin off just to watch me dance. I was going to be just as dead no matter what you did."

As for going quietly, though... he's heard enough by now. Handcuffed, drugged and beaten, there might have been very little fight left in him. Hopefully he'll never know.

[willowandoak]

Maybe they weren't anything to each other, but to Ren, Goro was—

He turns in Goro's arms and drops his head onto his shoulder. "But I changed my mind before you got here," he says dully. "Last October. You weren't even around, nothing about us had changed, but I still decided the plan sucked. So I could've done it whenever."

If Ren had just been brave, for once in his entire fucking life, maybe Goro's life wouldn't have hung by a thread. If there had been a point to being loved by him.

[lakebrat]

Goro readjusts, pulling Ren close, into his arms. "Wasn't it September when you got here? Sounds like you changed as soon as you could. As soon as you had the chance to stop and think about it."

He runs a hand over Ren's back. "And as soon as you saw me again, you gave me what I needed to save myself. That same day. That isn't nothing."

[willowandoak]

"It wasn't enough."

[lakebrat]

"But you gave it, all the same."

He traces a hand through Ren's hair, like he does, cradling him by the curve of his skull. "And, if it helps at all, if you need it—I forgive you."

[willowandoak]

He makes a discontented little noise. "What does that even mean? Forgiveness. People just say it when they want to sound good."

[lakebrat]

"You think I want to sound good?" The gentle brush of his thumb past Ren's ear becomes a little pointed.

[willowandoak]

"I don't... What does it mean, then? Like, I can say I forgave you for the art dealer thing that happened, or whatever, but I just mean I'm not usually pissed off about it anymore. Is that it? Just not being mad?"

He has not mentioned the art dealer thing before. He's not unaware of that, exactly, but his focus is elsewhere.

[lakebrat]

For a moment, his mind stutters over the art dealer thing, not sure what Ren means. Then he places it: the threats in August, the ones they'd cleaned up after all, with Futaba's help. Ren had been directly involved with that?

Relaxing as the sudden tension goes out of him, he backtracks. "I guess. That I'm not holding a grudge. That I've made peace with it, for my part. That, as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't need to be between us."

[willowandoak]

Ren listens, eyes half-shut, trying to grasp what Goro is saying in his hands. It's hard to hold it.

"I don't want to make peace with it," he admits softly.

[lakebrat]

Blinking away tears before he can embarrass himself, he kisses the top of Ren's head. "You don't have to. Not unless and until you're ready. I just wanted you to know that I have."

But he's listening, if Ren wants to talk.

[willowandoak]

He sits there for a long moment, just breathing, feeling Goro's arms around him and the warmth of his body. Eventually he opens his mouth, unsure what he's going to say until he hears himself speak.

"Sometimes I want to—to find anyone who's ever hurt you. And anyone who could ever hurt you. And hunt them all down. And then I'm like... oh, yeah."

[lakebrat]

People have done so much worse to me than you have, he wants to say. But dismissing Ren's guilt won't make it go away.

"One day you're going to look up, in... South America, or wherever we end up together. And you'll know that we took down all the people who could hurt us, all the ones on your list. And maybe you won't forgive yourself, still, but you'll at least know that things are okay."

He rubs Ren's back, steady and certain. "Because we will get there, Ren. It's coming."