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[fogbornphantom]

Greetings, everyone.

Originally, I was going to inquire about everyone's thoughts on birthdays and whether or not to adjust for time discrepancies between here and back home, but then I stumbled upon something most peculiar.

Phanfiction.net

This is a real site, and it seems to be run largely by the cognitions. There are stories about us, and many of them are quite absurd.

One of the summaries is...

"Falcon struggles with whether or not to honestly answer a captcha."

And then there's...

"Aki-chan brings home a pet dinosaur and has to hide it in his closet."

There are... interesting stories about myself and some of the people I am close to. There's even a fic about Igor's supposed history as a heartbreaker.

But perhaps the most perplexing is a bizarre love triangle between Falcon, Phoenix, and the Ren that goes by Fiend.

At any rate, read at your own discretion. I think it's all rather absurd and worth a laugh, but there is the ethical concern of our likenesses being used without consent.

Comments

[herewardbound]

Alright, who introduced real person fanfiction to the meme pool

I'm not angry, I just want to know who did it.

[fogbornphantom]

To be honest, was the television not real person fanfiction in its own way?

I've had my likeness on Gorb Networb multiple times. And there's... a certain infamous film.

[herewardbound]

we either need more people here or less of the same people. the local cognition's starting to look like the fucking european peerages

[seekerofjustice]

If I see another story in which I awaken Ren through a kiss, why, I believe I'll break something.

I'm not certain what I was expecting, but it wasn't that.

[fogbornphantom]

Not a fan of the Sleeping Beauty trope?

I suppose it would be rather awkward when it's about you specifically.

[seekerofjustice]

It's not so much the trope itself, but more so making light of the situation that frustrates me. Imagine how easy it would be if I could just kiss him awake.

It's also quite awkward.

That said, the one of Sparrow and myself at the coffee shop was a pleasant one. Quite mundane, but a nice story.

(...Dove, there wasn't even a plot to that story, it was just them meandering in a coffee shop.)

[vessel_ken_amada]

This website is stupid.

He has made this conclusion after reading one (1) fic about himself.

[fogbornphantom]

Not a fan of what you saw?

If it's any consolation, I've got my share of frankly absurd stories where I've been greatly misinterpreted.

Or shipped with people I do not view in such a light.

Perhaps we should file a complaint to Igor or have one of the Futabas DDoS the website.

[tricksterviolet]

I don't think the writers like me very much... There seems to be a trend of making me a jerk so Ren-senpai can be together with Shirogane-san.

[fogbornphantom]

Ah, I'm familiar with that trope.

Honestly, a skilled author can make a ship work while respecting the integrity of the characters.

But a skilled author wouldn't write fanfiction about real people.

[youngestdawn]

If I had a dinosaur it would not hide in the closet. I would teach it better than to be scared. It would be part of the family. My closet would not survive neither

[fogbornphantom]

I believe you would be well equipped to tame a dinosaur as well, though it would be quite a change for all of us.

[unfoggedlotus]

[ This message was removed by an administrator. Reason given: "Hey! Remember there are children here!" ]

[fogbornphantom]

Darling, if you have something you want to say, you can always tell me in person.

I'm sure you have some riveting thoughts.

[cybermask]

my urge to read fanfic, and my morals [sigh]

[fogbornphantom]

Quite the conundrum, isn't it?

I've tried not to venture too deeply into the abyss that is cognition-penned fiction.

With that said, I did get a good laugh about some of the works involving "me."

[lilcomputer]

oh fun! More to read! Gonna do that right now. All of it.

[fogbornphantom]

Make sure you head the age ratings, Futaba-chan.

And bear in mind these are not accurate depictions of the people here.

[aknightnotaprincess]

A lot of the fics on there is seriously trash, and not the fun kind. Though there was some fun trash. For some reason, a lot of them have me written like I'm made out of glass. I get that most versions of me had that happen, but c'mon.

Also while I didn't dare click on it, I found a summery of some disgusting fic that shipped me and Kamoshida in something I can't say on here. 'Cause there's kids on here.

Seriously, if I find the cognition that wrote that somehow, I will kick their ass.

[herewardbound]

Well, that's completely vile. And somehow utterly expected.

[gorobo]

Count me in. I have a sudden urge for violence.

[fogbornphantom]

I believe we should get Futaba to dox the specific cognition who wrote an enact vengeance.

The cognition will likely respawn, and frankly, I'm not typically one to suggest such violent acts, but I believe you deserve some catharsis.

[gorobo]

Obviously I lie on captchas. Is that even a question? I'd be rather limited if I didn't.

Also what is that last one?! Why would that even happen?

Despite my capability for human emotions, that is simply not something I can feel.

_{[And yet, his curiosity gets the better of him, and a few minutes later...]}

Why would you make me aware of this. Why would you make this public knowledge. Who is writing these.

I am a weapon, not some kind of... whatever they made me there. What the fuck.

[herewardbound]

is it a sign that i'm fucked up that i'm vaguely horrified by the usage of gun oil as a personal lubricant but the premise of the fucking thing itself barely phases me

[fogbornphantom]

I would argue that even someone like you could love, under the right circumstances.

Aigis-san is very capable of such feelings, for instance.

But that is for you to pursue, if you feel inclined.

We should have one of the Futabas hack the site for the sake of our dignity.